How to GAL when SP is jealous/trust is broken??

[heatherg]

It sounds like he's feeling hurt and defensive and justified

I know I deserve much of this. DR says things always take longer than you think they should. For us, it's been a year now.

But they go EVERWHERE with me

As opposed to "But my childrent go NOWHERE with me".

I don't want to be with this person he is anymore. I don't. But I keep making myself try. Out of fear. Out of obligation. Because I feel guilty that I've had a part in making him into this person. Because I want to "do the right thing". Because I want to want to. But I DON'T want to!! I cringe at the sound of his voice. I hate going home to him. I want things to be different so badly that maybe he's right, maybe I am all over the place. I try one thing, get frustrated, the hate returns full force. I can't hide how I truly feel and I feel like I hate him. Period. I've tried to change it or at least hide it, you know, fake it til you make it. But we aren't making it and apparently I'm not fooling anyone.
I think I just have to get the courage to somehow do what's right in my sitution, what's right for me and stop worrying about what everyone else thinks and how they view my actions . It will be a long and difficult process as most of you can probably tell. When both parents want primary custody, things are never pretty or painless. I just can't seem to make myself take the first step into that fire.