Quote: Do you really think it wise and responsible to have S4 make those kinds of decisions?
No, I really don't. I see it cause problems all the time because S4 thinks he should get to make decisions about everything and that his decision should stand. This is actually H's philosophy and I think it's messed up, but wanted to at least see if he was willing to let it work both ways. Then I would know if I was dealing with a genuine belief on H's part that we should let the kids choose or if this is just another control tactic. Turned out to be just another control tactic, which is what I thought. I truly hate that the kids have to choose between us. Last night when it was time to leave his mother's, I just got up and kissed the kids goodbye and left rather than put the kids through the whole "do you want to ride with mommy or daddy". I just let him take them. He wins, but the kids don't suffer, so I win too I guess.
Quote: don't let him see you sweat over your issues, because it seems to me he knows those are your buttons
How do you talk openly and honestly about what your needs are without giving H the power to use it against you if he so chooses? This morning, I got up and kissed the kids, told them to have a wonderful day and I got in the shower. I didn't let him see that it bothered me one bit. My lawyer thinks H is setting himself up to be seen as the "primary caregiver" for a custody case.
Quote: I think you have to tell him that if he doesn't shape up, you're leaving him,
Personally, I think this is what I have to do also, but I have to get there mentally to be prepared to do it. Stating something in this manner to H will NEVER elicit a postive response from him, so if I get to the point where I'm ready to say this, I might as well just do it.
"Happiness is a butterfly, which, when pursued, is always just beyond your grasp, but which, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you."
