How to GAL when SP is jealous/trust is broken??

[heatherg]

See if his demeanor changes in two or three days.

I will try again, same topic, seeing a counselor in a couple days. I spoke to his mother this weekend and she said he told her the reason he doesn't want to see a counselor is because they will just tell us that it's over. Personally, I think H is doing a fine job of conveying that to me on his own, but apparently he is worried that a C will confirm that? I don't buy that. Personally, I think he knows a C will tell him he's lost his mind to treat another human being this way. But I will give it a few days and try again.

Now the thought is, what changes are needed in behaviors so that both partners feel respected?

So far, he won't talk about his needs, he only makes demands. If I talk about my needs, I'm being selfish. Shall I try asking him openly what his needs are in a couple days when I address the C topic again? In the past, he has told me that he needs only his kids and for me to leave him alone. I expect he will simply restate that.

both partners have to want to achieve that outcome

This is the part that I wasn't sure DB could help me with. Because the underlying theme is that both partners don't have to be involved, but in my situation, I don't think I can do it alone.

Right now, my most urgent concern isn't that I've been locked in the laundry room, etc. It's that I feel my H is stealing away the ability for me to be a parent. I haven't been able to convey that part to many of you as of yet. Most of you say to take the extra hour of sleep and be happy. Yesterday, H offered to go help his Dad with some wiring in the building where our family business is (my H and I, his sister and her H and his mom and dad all own four franchises (same franchise, four stores) together). I cannot stress to any of you enough that to not pick a fight in this situation is to assume that S4 will go with H. I cannot separate the two of them ever or there will be a fight. Anytime I've ever tried, H will get mean spirited and angry and S4 will end up staying with H. If S4 ultimately does choose to go with me, which is rare, H will go along so that I cannot spend any alone time. We're talking a wagon ride or a soccer game here, not a day trip. I can't even look at toys on the internet with S4 without H hovering over our shoulders. Anyway, I tried to give S4 a choice like H always does. I said do you want to go with daddy to XX or would you like to come to the beach with mommy and D2 (we were going to H's mother's house, to her beach). H said in the tone that tells me to LEAVE IT ALONE "he already said he wanted to go with me". I put S4 in the middle of a dispute by even suggesting that he come with us, he knows we're fighting about him. I told S4 that he could choose and no one was going to be mad at him, it was his choice how to spend the day. But H wouldn't say the same thing. So, even though S4 said he wanted to come with us, before he knew we were going to the beach, daddy asked him if he wanted to go with him and he said yes, so H was not about to let S4 go with us and that was that. He resumed speaking with S4 about which toys they were taking. So, S4 went to hang out in the building while Daddy and Grandpa moved the speakers from one wall to the other.
The parenting problems are what scare me the most and I hate it that H can control the whole family and if I try to buck the "system", then I know I'm starting a fight and I'm putting the kids in the middle. I'm at a loss.