This is always what I come back to. It's like I have difficulty acting because I know that I am not perfect either, so I always come back to what I should or should not have done.
Quote: Why are you staying really why
I want to stay with my H because he is the father of my children and I love the feeling of belonging to his family both for myself and for my kids. Those are the two reasons.
Quote: physical threat of injury by your H
I really do not feel physically threatened, although it has been said to me that I am letting my own guilt overshadow what is going on here and that maybe I need to think about changing my perspective a little. Not sure entirely what that means or how to do it.
Quote: Somewhere down this road, you'll have to decide if you want to spend any more of your life with this man.
This was the goal of my very first thread on this board. How DB applies to me if I'm not even sure I want to be with my H. I mostly wanted some help trying to figure out if this R is worth saving. I do want to be with my H, but it's the H I hardly ever see anymore that I love and he seems to have been replaced with an H who hates me. I find it difficult to love someone who hates me.
Quote: The fact that you could get out through a window does not lessen the lack of respect that was evidenced.
This part hits the nail on the head. There is no respect in my R anymore. I've been so preoccupied trying to figure out why and how and blaming myself or blaming H, but the bottom line is that I guess it doesn't matter WHY. At this point, things have gotten so severe that WHY doesn't matter, it just IS.
I had to call H to ask him for a phone number so I asked him if he's had any time to think again about seeing a counselor, a marriage counselor. (he's at home for lunch) He said "No." I said "no, you haven't had time to think about it or no you won't go?" He said "both". I said "ok, well do you want to try to save this or do you want me to just let it go?" He said "I don't want to get into this right now". I said "ok, would sometime tonight be a better time?" He said "no, probably not". I said "ok, well when would be a better time to talk about it?" He said "Heather, I said I don't want to talk about this right now." I said "you don't have to talk about it right now, I'm just trying to find a time that would be better for you". He said "talking about when we're going to talk about it is still talking about it". I said ok and hung up. Then I was mad at myself for hanging up without saying goodbye. I need to let it go don't I? I can't imagine any ways that H hasn't already thought of to be disrespected more thoroughly.
"Happiness is a butterfly, which, when pursued, is always just beyond your grasp, but which, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you."
