I think I will. It is still difficult for me to feel comfortable with the idea though because I feel like I have had my part in the abuse as well. But the difference between me and H is that I always admit that I'm wrong, I'll say I'm sorry, I feel bad about my reactions and instigations, whereas H never admits fault. Some, but definitely not all of the characteristics on the printout my C gave me of an abuser seem to characterize my H, not just describe his behavior on a few occasions. A couple of the things on the list that REALLY got me were: "makes her think she's crazy". I cannot tell you how many times I've told others that I'm crazy. I struggle to sort through opinions and perspectives and my H loves to tell me I'm delusional. Another thing I found when researching emotional abuse on the internet is that emotionally abused women find it difficult to "explain their situation". I have been all over the place on this BB, bouncing like a ball, from one situation to the next, trying to get out in words what takes place in my home. I've recently been describing encounters blow by blow, although it may seem immature, it is the only way I can describe my H's behavior for what it is. Which is not loving, kind or helpful.
Quote: The Emotionally Abusive Relationship : How to Stop Being Abused and How to Stop Abusing
I will look for this book for sure. The part that caught my attention about the title is "how to stop abusing" b/c I feel like I have come to treat H in many many ways the way he treats me and I want to stop it. I feel like if I were ever to be in another R, the person would think I've done lost my mind b/c I don't think I know how to interact in a normal fashion. I have been with H since I was 17 and our R is all I have ever known and I do believe our R has always been dysfunctional even when we were happier. So between the lines, dysfunctional is all I've ever known. On the back of the sheet my C gave me was what "non abusive" opposites were to the "abusive" characteristics on the other side. Out of my mouth came the words "people actually do these things?" She said yes, they do. Not all the time and not perfectly, but yes, people do this. I do want to emphasize that I was locked in the laundry room for perhaps two mintes before I climbed out the window. I was not trapped and I knew it and H knew it. Although I was surprised he didn't lock the rest of the doors so I couldn't get back in the house. But he didn't. I was not afraid, rarely am I afraid of him per se. It wasn't as bad as it may have sounded. I was fine, just angry and surprised. Yeah, I don't know what to say to S4. I don't know how to feel about what's going on myself, how can I possibly have the right words for him? Chrissy, I will check out your thread as well. Thanks again
"Happiness is a butterfly, which, when pursued, is always just beyond your grasp, but which, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you."
