How to GAL when SP is jealous/trust is broken??

[heatherg]

and your H, who you're taking steps toward, wants to torture you.

I'm afraid that I haven't made it evident that I'm taking steps toward him. I have so much hate inside of me for him and I'm afraid he rarely sees the part of me that is trying to connect with him.

get the f*ck out you useless piece of sh*t

This is me. This my temper, this is me reacting to H. This is also the reason I always feel guilty in the end. Guilty about what I've done wrong and questioning myself about whether I brought it on myself or fueled the fire. I have a part in every single encounter between us and I am rarely proud of my reactions. Hearing you say it though, as someone that seems level headed, calm/collected and reasonable is a huge relief to me b/c it is sooooo reassuring to know that others would have the same reaction to H as I do. Just knowing that helps me tremendously, to feel like I'm not crazy.

this is going to go on until one of you seeks a divorce

I'm afraid this is true. My family and friends have said this exact same thing to me, H is never going to change. But when I found DB and this BB, I kept saying all I have to do is change and then hopefully he will too. And family and friends skeptically say, "well, you can try Heather and I hope it works for you, but honestly, I think you're wasting your time". But then the books basically say not to trust your family and your friends because they don't want to see you hurting and will advise you to take what they see as the quickest route out of the pain, which is divorce. I don't know who to turn to quite honestly, to give me an objective opinion. I'm afraid that I'm expecting too much too soon, being a spoiled brat, that I'm delusional, that I'm selfish, I'm afraid it's really all my fault and now I just can't face the facts. Not to mention that I haven't been very successful in changing my reactions to H. Basically, I've been unable to change, so maybe that's the reason nothing is changing??