Hi Des, thanks for stopping by to add some of your thoughts, I appreciate it.
Quote: Get some sleep. Let that extra hour be a good thing. Thank him for it every day.
Maybe I should thank him. That would be a lie because I'm not thankful, but I could try to say it anyway if it would be helpful.
Quote: I agree that a third party needs to come in on this situation
Who are the professionals and "third parties" that have been referred to? I'm pretty open to help, so please be more specific. ~Update~ I got out of work early Friday so I went to pick up the kids and I was going to call H on the way home to let him know I had the kids, but he pulled up at daycare while I was putting them in my car. As soon as they saw Daddy, they wanted to ride in his car. S4 said ha, ha everybody is riding with Daddy. And so, I gave them their blankets, and off I went by myself. I don't know what to make of S4's comment. I've also noticed that S4 will ignore my questions and not appear happy to see me when I come home. My therapist asked me if this is how H behaves. I said yes. Her point was that S4 is mirroring H's behavior toward me. This morning I realized H's clothes were in the dryer and have been since Thurs night (he washes his own clothes). I have four loads of laundry to do, so I asked him if he would take care of this clothes in the dryer so that I could wash some clothes for the kids (I said the kids b/c S4 had no clean shorts to wear today, but I also wanted to get my own clothes laundered today). Some time passed, I don't know how long, maybe an hour maybe less and I asked him the same thing again. He went out to the laundry room and turned the clothes in the dryer on for 55 minutes. To make a long story somewhat shorter, I saw the clothes were dry and he was just getting the wrinkles out so I called from the laundry room, non-threateningly I thought, "since you just need to get the wrinkles out, I'm going to set them on the freezer so that I can get this laundry going". All of a sudden, the laundry room door SLAMMED shut (later realized the door is now broken) and locked. I was locked in the laundry room, thank god there is a window. I said "H, unlock the door". I hear S4 in the kitchen with H asking him something. So I lightly say "daddy, let mommy out of the laundry room" thinking that he will realize our son is once again witnessing another crazy event. He tells S4 something I cannot hear. He says "put my clothes back in the dryer and turn them on". I said "H, they are already dry and you have them on for 55 minutes". H said "I need to get the wrinkles out, that takes like 10 minutes" I said "I had no idea you were only leaving them on for 10 minutes, I'll be happy to put them back". He said "how long does it take to get the wrinkles out moron?" I said "stop calling me names and let me out please" He said "put my clothes back and turn them on" I said I did put them back". He said "I don't hear the dryer on." I said "H, I'm not going to do what you tell me to do just so that I can get out of the laundry room". I refused to turn the dryer back on, even though I admit I should have. I refused because of the way he was trying to force me to do something. This is one of the things I'm trying to convey in my R~coersion does not work with me, so don't do it. I ended up crawling through the window to get out. When I came in through the kitchen, S4 says "mommy, you can't do a sneak attack". I said "I know honey, that was pretty sneaky huh?" and I ruffled his hair. I don't know what he thinks, if he thinks it's a game or if he's scared....I don't know. And I think I made the situation worse by saying "Daddy, let mommy out of the laundry room" because I think it brought the situation right down to S4's level rather than doing what I intended. Again, I am ashamed of my own actions. I was totally surprised by the encounter and wasn't looking to start a fight, honestly... Going back to before I tried to take his clothes out of the dryer, I could have said "I'm feeling impatient that I've asked you twice to take care of your clothes and you finally do, but you turn them on for 55 minutes. I feel this is inconsiderate of you since I've already expressed my desire to get our laundry going today". Because then at that point, he would have revealed that he was only planning to leave them in for 10 minutes even though he had turned them on for 55 and that would have changed my attitude tremendously.
"Happiness is a butterfly, which, when pursued, is always just beyond your grasp, but which, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you."
