How to GAL when SP is jealous/trust is broken??

[heatherg]

I'm guessing you would have gotten further here with something like "gee, H, the bass is still keeping me awake, and I have to get up early to take the kids to school. I really need my sleep. Is there a way to turn off the bass, or could you finish this tomorrow and come to bed with me?"

In my original post I said that I asked him twice to turn the TV down before I lost my temper. Here might be an appropriate place to state that this is an ongoing issue in our house, not a one time thing. I have to sleep with a fan on to drown out the TV, which works most nights. Oh, and by the way, my H doesn't sleep with me, I am not allowed in my bed. It sounds like you come from a R where you ask for what you want and the other person tries to comply within reason. That doesn't happen in my R.

Not to justify his behavior here at all, because it was obviously inappropriate to put his hands on you, but can you see how you baited him (no warning was kind of unreasonable ) and how obviously your karate classes are an issue for him (is he jealous and worried you'll meet another man there???).

You are justifying his behavior Ellie. Which is fine if that is how you feel, but don't say you're not justifying, only to go on in your sentence and justify it. What if he had punched my lights out? The fact remains that I baited him I suppose?
I gave H an hour and a half notice that I wanted him to take the kids to daycare. If I dare say, that's more notice than I got when I discovered I wasn't going to be able to sleep until 1am.
Yes I would agree that my karate classes are quite an issue for him. But that is just it-it's his issue. I've done my best to console him, I've told him he can come or call anytime. I've even asked on SEVERAL occasions if I can bring our son. Can you think of anything else I can do to reassure him besides quitting, which I am not willing to do?I cannot change him. I understand that. I can only change myself. But to change myself in this situation seems to be to shrink myself to a shadow of the person I am. I do not downplay the fact that I had an affair. But my A doesn't have to be an excuse for every single event that takes place in our M.
I do appreciate your input Ellie. I sense some hostility in your posts to me though as if my situation may provoke you somehow? I'm trying my best, that's all I can say for myself. I do know my M has reached a new peak of ridiculousness and for my part, I have got to get a handle on my temper, for sure. I'm being honest here and trying to make sure I also state my role in these encounters with H.