Quote: I can see a lot of places here where changing YOUR behavior would probably bring about positive changes in H's behavior
Quote: This is the stuff I need, please, be more specific.
Quote: Last night I asked him several times to turn the TV down, which he says he did, but the bass in the surround sound system was still keeping me awake. I finally got really mad and told him to just go to bed so the rest of the fu@@ing house could too and I slammed my door.
I'm guessing you would have gotten further here with something like "gee, H, the bass is still keeping me awake, and I have to get up early to take the kids to school. I really need my sleep. Is there a way to turn off the bass, or could you finish this tomorrow and come to bed with me?"
Quote: So this morning when my alarm went off, I went into his room and told him he might want to plan on getting up a little earlier this morning because he is taking the kids to daycare today and I am getting a little extra sleep.
Probably would have escalated less if you'd asked him instead of told him - "H, your movie really kept me awake last night and I didn't get enough sleep. I really need you to get up and take the kids to school, please, so I can get some more sleep".
Quote: ". He says "no, I'm not. I'll take them tomorrow. You can't just spring this on me at the last minute". I grab my stuff and go to walk out the door and he lunges at me, puts his hands around my neck and tells me "If you'd quit going to karate, I wouldn't be up so late!".
Not to justify his behavior here at all, because it was obviously inappropriate to put his hands on you, but can you see how you baited him (no warning was kind of unreasonable ) and how obviously your karate classes are an issue for him (is he jealous and worried you'll meet another man there???).
Please read the Five Love Languages. I see a lot of miscommunication here on both your parts. And don't assume that every time H wants to do sometyhing differently than you do that he is controlling you.
