Ellie- Thanks for briefly setting aside the immaturity of the encounter I've described to be able to offer some advice. Every time I post an entry here, I struggle with the words to convey what is happening...there is much that happens in my R through body language, tone of voice and harsh looks that make it difficult to put into words.
Quote: I don't really get you, Heather. You made that big stink about him keeping you up and about him taking the kids to school - now he's doing the very behaviors that one would expect from someone who heard you and was trying to make it up to you, and you're mad at him for that?
I suppose on the surface and based on what I've written, that is indeed how it appears. Did I make a big stink about being kept awake? Yeah, I guess I did. How does it work in the rest of the normal world when people are going to stay up until 1:30-3am, is it not common courtesy to be quiet as the rest of the world/house is sleeping?? Maybe my expectations are too high? I'm not being sarcastic, just genuinely frustrated. I am not excusing my own behaviors in this encounter, but please understand that H is not being kind or speaking love to me by taking the kids to daycare, that much I am 100% sure of. I have lost my privilege and this is my punishment. I called him this morning to ask if we could rotate days. He can be responsible for taking the kids to daycare some days and I will be resonsible for the other days. He said "we'll see". This morning when I said I would take them, he asked the kids who they would rather go with. I could give you a million examples of this same power game that has manifested itself in my M a million different ways. But the result is always the same Ellie. I lose. But I've always been ok with that because struggles like this don't come up every day in a M unless it's really on the rocks like ours is now. In the past, I've just gotten over it on the surface, but deep down I feel controlled and disregarded. I'm not trying to sound like the perfect spouse, but did you miss the part about him putting his hands around my neck??? Is this a love language that I'm not aware of? I don't want the impression that I'm just complaining and restating the things I've already said, but I feel like you've missed some parts of my post that will give you huge insight to the fact that my H was not being loving yesterday, nor is he today.
Quote: I can see a lot of places here where changing YOUR behavior would probably bring about positive changes in H's behavior.
This is the stuff I need, please, be more specific.
Quote: And please, don't underestimate the devastating effect of your affair on your H
I'm trying not to underestimate the effects of an affair. That's why I'm here. Does it appear that is my tone, that I'm downplaying my role in my failing M?
"Happiness is a butterfly, which, when pursued, is always just beyond your grasp, but which, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you."
