Quote: I don't see anything wrong when you deleted your origionals. I don't see that much wrong when he made copies to possibly use in his defense.
I think we are thinking the same thing and wording it slightly differently. When a M dissolves to the point that mine did when I filed for D, each person is essentially for themselves. I was no longer asking myself, "whould H approve of this?". Most of what we did to one another was not inherently wrong, but mostly inconsiderate. We have both played our roles in the inconsideration department, my only concern is that H keeps "adding to the list" of things he's not going to forgive me for. I know the cyle needs to be broken and I also know that I'm in the best position to do it. That's why I was so mad at myself when I retaliated against him for throwing my books away. I NEVER should have ripped up that magazine. That was my first opportunity to break the cycle and I blew it. That's also the reason I bought myself the bracelet, to be a visual reminder that I must keep control of my own reactions. I think I'm on the right path, but I need encouragement from people like yourself, all on this BB have been so helpful. ~Update~ Well, did I not say tomorrow (meaning today) would bring a new problem?? Sure enough. H is going out of town today, just for the day. He called me Wed from work to tell me he was just informed of the trip. Wed night I told H that my brother was going to bring S4 to my karate class Friday night (tonight) and that his long-time GF was going to watch D2. H didn't respond negatively. I thought that might be a turning point, b/c H always resents when I try to take the kids anywhere. But, I thought maybe he just realizes there isn't anything he can do about it since he will be out of town. SO....this morning we are putting the kids in the car to go to school and H tells S4 that he won't be picking him up from school today b/c of his trip and that he can't wait to get home tonight to see him, etc. H says "maybe we can watch your new GI Joe movie tonight". Now, flash in my mind is what the heck is he talking about, my karate class is from 8-9pm, S4 will not have time to watch a movie when we get home, it will already be bedtime......warning bells are sounding loudly in my head, b/c clearly H has forgotten about my class or he is messing with my head. I hope for the former, so I say "He'll be with me at karate tonight, remember". H gives me an eyeroll and a huffy sigh (like this is the first he's heard of it??) and says "that means you're not going to have him home until like 9:30". Basically, I told him he was more than welcome to come and through his all-too-familiar body language and set jaw I can tell he is pi@@ed. S4 says "I want to watch GI Joe".....that is also H's favorite way of manipulation when it comes to being able to take the kids anywhere. He says we should give "choices", so he'll ask if they want to go with me or stay home and play with daddy, or something to that effect. If they choose to go with me, he will always end up going and ruining the event b/c of his attitude and the events that take place right before leaving. I have absolutely no idea why H does this, it's like he is so frightened that I might get closer to S4 than he is. H is much more laid back about where and when I take D2, but if I want to take S4, it's like WAR. So, we'll see what happens tonight. It honestly wouldn't surprise me if he breaks his neck to get back home before it's time for me to leave for karate. If he does get home, I can count S4 out b/c H will surely find a way to keep him home.
"Happiness is a butterfly, which, when pursued, is always just beyond your grasp, but which, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you."
