You know, I met H when I was 17 years old. I have been with him my entire adult life. If I had not been practically married since 17, I would have loved to do a lot of the more risque type stuff like maybe I would have been a dancer in a strip club or posted amateur porn. I guess I'm just so frustrated that there has been so much I couldn't do, I could have been, I COULD BE one of those girls. But instead I feel unwanted most of the time. Granted, feeling unwanted on a consistent basis has happened mostly since the A has been in the open. But I've been with this man for 13 years and this OM and these kisses have been my only indiscretion EVER. Even when we were dating. He's had lap dances before, etc. But never me. The double standard has existed since the day we met. I like attention. It's hard for me to be me without it.
Quote: Is he trading them back and forth with some other guys?
No, my H doesn't have friends. I'm not trying to be dry here, he really doesn't. His kids are his life in every sense of the word. Kids are D2 and S4. Everything in his life revolves around them. H does maintain his best friend from high school by talking on the phone once every couple of months. But other than that, my H is really anti-social even before we had kids. I've always had friends, H never participated in anything we did.
Quote: something like him wondering if he is good enough
Precisely. What's good for the goose...
Quote: I never heard what she did other than her being at every meeting at church (3 a week).
Are you suggesting the possibility that "something" actually happened between the two of them?
If you don't mind my asking, have the two of you kept up with your physical appearances over the years? Are you still physically attracted to one another?
"Happiness is a butterfly, which, when pursued, is always just beyond your grasp, but which, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you."
