How to GAL when SP is jealous/trust is broken??

[heatherg]

Update~
Last night I did initiate a discussion. There were some positives, but overall, I'm not very happy with the way I handled it.
Negatives~
1.I talked WAY too much. Should have just tried to validate and listen.
2.I couldn't persuade him to talk about his feelings on the porno issue. He doesn't trust that I won't use it against him. He told me he could not discuss it with me b/c I'm a bitter and spiteful woman.
3.He got the impression that I was snooping b/c of some of the things I said. I have been snooping.
4.He just turned it all back on me. "So, I have a W who cheats on me, wants to ruin my kids lives, files for D, and snoops through my stuff...."

Positives~
1.I told him that we could talk about the A any time if he had questions that he needed to ask. I told him that as much as I want to put it behind me, I understand that he may still need to talk about it.
2.He acted like he was done with conversation and I didn't pursue. I went to bed. He then came to me. I told him he could sit on my bed. This was, what I think a normal conversation should be like. Both parties participating.

Overall though, I didn't do well, but at least I went to bed with the feeling that things were ok. He actually came into my room to say goodnight, so that's good.
But you know what they say, one step forward and three steps back. Here's the three steps back:
This morning I go out to my SUV and notice that some books I had in the back of the truck on divorce and custody are gone. We discussed those books last night and I told him they were from the early days when I needed to know more about what to expect. This morning the books were gone. I asked him where they were and he said "I thought you said last night you didn't need them anymore?" I said "I want them back please" He went in the house. I looked in the garbage can and there they were. I was livid. I went back in the house and screamed at him, "why would you do that?" H says "I thought you made it clear last night you didn't need them anymore", to which I responded "that is NOT the point!!!" "Oh, what is the point then Heather?" ARRGGHH!!! But I couldn't just leave well enough alone. Oh no. I had to go down to "his" room and go in his drawer and get the Playboy magazine that he denied having last night when I gave him the opportunity to come clean. I ripped it up and threw it in the back of his truck. Uh oh.
Yikes, first because I reacted. I should have just left. Yikes second because now he has solid proof that I was snooping.
I just keep digging my holes deeper and deeper. And H just keeps getting off without having to take any responsibility for what he's doing. B/c he'll turn the whole situation around on me. It won't matter that he took my stuff and threw it away. All that will matter is that I was snooping. It doesn't matter that I feel like he betrays my trust, it only matters that I betrayed his. It doesn't matter that he took my emails in the first place, it only matters that I reclaimed them by deleting them. It doesn't matter that he lies to me and hides things from me, it only matters that I snooped to discover it. It doesn't matter that he is not trying to make this R work, it only matters that I filed for D, apparently the person who actually files takes all responsibility for ending the M even when the other sp tells you over and over they don't care about you, don't need you and is only here b/c of the kids??? WTF!! And don't misunderstand. I don't need any of my POVs to be "right". I just want him to see the double standards when he blasts me for the same stuff he does!!
This is not the first time he's taken and/or destroyed my stuff.

Somebody please tell me, is there too much whining occurring on my behalf or is my H messing with my head???