Quote: If you and husband were fine in every area and having sex like bunnies, would it bother you?
Yes, it would still bother me. Every relationship sets boundaries about what is acceptable and what isn't, within the context of the R. Many would say that what I did, kissing another man, wasn't actually cheating. I know it was, b/c I know it wasn't at all acceptable in the context of our R. Here's another example for you. I've had a couple different vibrators over the course of our R, but at one point I wanted one that resembled a penis, H was uncomfortable with that. We've just never made comments out loud about people of the opposite sex, etc. I've always thought we had a very respectful R in that way.
Quote: I just don't seem to feel threatened by it
I understand that not all women wouldn't necessarily be threatened by pornography, but I don't think that's so much the point. For my M, the point should be that I have a problem with it. I think we could have gotten past what I did a long time ago. But again, that's not the point. The point in my M is, how my H feels about what I did. See what I'm saying? With my A, it doesn't matter how I feel, it's about how he feels. And if he expects me to fully respect that, then it has to work the same way on issues I have a problem with. At some point, it becomes more about putting the other person's feelings first than it is about the act itself. I don't think I felt quite this threatened before I realized what a double standard H had and until I started snooping and realized how much he was actually hiding from me. Hiding indicates that you know you're doing something wrong. Not inherently wrong, b/c like you said, many wouldn't have a problem with it. But wrong b/c he knows how it makes his W feel. I don't think I'd have a problem with an every now and then type thing. But the guy looks at this website just about every day I'd bet.
Quote: But I put her down on the bank.
I don't think he put her down on the bank if he's got pictures of her on his thumbdrive. What do you think?
"Happiness is a butterfly, which, when pursued, is always just beyond your grasp, but which, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you."
