How to GAL when SP is jealous/trust is broken??

[heatherg]

Ok, Akron, what can my H do to gain my respect back....
1.Tell me that my feelings matter. I don't think I've ever really felt that they do matter to him. I need validation.
2.Tell me that I am just as important to him as our children, that he would love to spend time alone with me, put the kids to bed early one night, go out one night, get away for the weekend, WHATEVER.
3.Take care of me. I'm strong and independent yes, but I don't want to be responsible for everything.
4.Take steps to end the alcohol dependency and validate my feelings on the issue.
5.Stop using pornography.
6.Stop focusing on the act of the A and start focusing on his feelings and the effects of the A.
7.Stop punishing me! Put his ring back on, allow me back in my own bed, and end the no kissing thing.

The first five are things I wanted before the A happened. They all still exist except number 4. He has made efforts in this area, but only b/c he's afraid I'll use it against him to get custody of our kids. So in addition to the first five, we not have six and seven as well. This is where it starts to feel hopeless.

I am so resentful toward H because I am a young, fun, intelligent woman and at the risk of sounding like I'm on an ego trip, guys look at me. I wish my H would have been half as interested in me as he has been in pornography.

He has not told me he loves me or that he wants our M to work or that he doesn't want to lose me.....he's told me nothing. The closest thing he has said to something positive is that he's agreed with me when I say we should try for the kids' sake. He's told me the only reason I'm still here is b/c of the kids. He says he cannot bear to be away from them and so a D is out of the question for him. At one point he told me that we should cohabitate in the home to raise our kids and that he was willing to forego his future with a mate (although he now denies he said that he didn't need the M). So I live here, not knowing if H gives a damn about me. At times I think his words are just his defenses. But either way, whether he's telling the truth or not, I know I cannot go the rest of my life like this.
Oops, got into a little too much detail....