I see where you are coming from. But what if the stolen stuff was MINE??
My point was that questions like that belong in a court of law. We need another path to trek to resolve this.
We haven't fought at all about who did what first, or whose fault this is. The problem is, we haven't said anything at all... The only thing I can think of, is to let it blow over.
I don't think non-communication is the answer. That's 'hoping it goes away' and that doesn't resolve anything, it permits the problem to exist and even grow bigger. It's sucked out some "love deposits" and seems not to be an issue that can be ignored, since H equates it with an issue of trust.
he takes everything to such an extreme, I swear.
Seems so to you and not to him. Conversely, he sees your deleting his copies as an extreme.
I wouldn't know exactly how to go about resolving this, except to look for a win-win solution where you both feel good about the outcome. I think part of that involves you validating his concerns, I don't think we can wait on H to make it right between you two.
Perhaps if you were to validate his concerns and suggest that you both have done the wrong thing, H may pick up on that and get on the same track.
I don't suggest that it be in a blaming statement such as, "I did the wrong thing by deleting emails from your account, but you did the wrong thing too by making copies from my account"
but rather more along the lines of
"I think we both made some mistakes when we got into each other's accounts."
We can't control how H wants to go about negotiating a truce and forgiving these events and letting them go. He may harbor resentment, he may hold a grudge, none of that will work to establish a positive outcome. All we can do is lead the way there and see if in time H picks up the methodology if hopefully he's more willing to resolve this than cling to 'who's right and who's wrong' type thinking or holding onto his hurt.
Speaking of negotiating a truce, Michele writes about looking back at past arguments and seeing what triggers truces between you two, and implementing those actions in the current situation.
By the way all, I can't tell you enough times how much I appreciate you taking time away from your own issues to help me with mine!! It's been SOOO helpful, NY you especially check up on me and I don't think DB would have had the same meaning for me if you had not found me. THANK YOU.
