~update~ H still not speaking to me. Answered three out of the four phone calls today though. Sounds like I'm pestering I know, but we had a lot happen today and every phone call was about something, had nothing to do with me or R. So, I guess that's progress? At least he answered his phone. I can't help but think about WHY he's mad. We were doing well enough. Started out great during Memorial weekend, good Tuesday, faded a little on Wed, faded a little more on Thurs and pretty much stayed that way until the following Tues when he realized I had deleted those emails. So, since Tuesday he has been ignoring me and looking disgustedly at me and speaking to the kids as if I don't exist. Because I deleted emails he stole from me in the first place. Granted, those emails should never have existed. But that's part of why we've been going through this hell this past year. Because they did exist. And me deleting them didn't make them exist moreso. I let him into my email a year ago and he emailed those to himself. He later gave me the password to his email account and I was rather surprised to see that he had copies of them. I didn't say anything to him about it. But in Feb when I signed D papers, I went into his account and deleted the emails. I was not about to let stolen material be used against me. How am I supposed to feel that he took them in the first place? It couldn't have been for any good productive reasons, right?! So, then Tuesday he decides I've blown the trust again and I find out the next day when I try to log into my email account that he's hacked into it and changed my password. How am I supposed to feel about that? The weird thing about that is that the night before is the night I did all of my goals. I wrote 4 pages in my journal. One of my actions was going to be giving him the password to my account. But he took it before I could give it. And he is the one ignoring me....I know I need to be solution oriented, but I have to ask, when do my feelings start to matter again???
"Happiness is a butterfly, which, when pursued, is always just beyond your grasp, but which, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you."
