How to GAL when SP is jealous/trust is broken??

[NYsurvivor]

often if you agree with a person who is angry with you they will end up defending you.

Quoting myself to hijack your thread (sorry) but just thinking about how this is EXACTLY how my H has approached every conflict we've had. I coined it "the reverse pout"

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The overall concept, applicable to more than arguing, is in the DR book. Michele called it the seesaw effect. But you could probably still write a short treatise on it, title it "The Reverse Pout" and publish it, trademark the title and put the slogan on mugs and bumper stickers, though.

[anna123]

But you could probably still write a short treatise on it, title it "The Reverse Pout" and publish it, trademark the title and put the slogan on mugs and bumper stickers, though.

I like the thought of reaping financial benefits from my H's Jedi Mind Tricks

[heatherg]

Thank you both for your comments and advice. Jedi mind tricks, that's hilarious.
~Update~
H did not bring up a conversation last night. He's still furious, will not speak to me. After the kids went to bed, he rented movies and went into his room and shut the door. His version of going dark I guess.
Needless to say, he changed the password on his email account. Thing is, I went to access my account today and I couldn't get in. Kept saying my password was invalid. He changed my password and accessed my email. It didn't take to much creativity to figure out what he changed it to-same password his used to be. I don't know if he intended for me to figure it out or not, but I don't plan to let him know I know. Does that make sense??! If he will feel better to hijack my email account to make sure he can trust me, then that's fine.
I have spyware installed on my computer at home b/c of pornography issues that are a whole nother story, but anyway, it takes snapshots of the screens and records keystrokes. I noticed in the keystrokes screen that in order for me to change my password, my secret questions is "Favorite Person in History". Guess what he made the answer be?
The name of the person I spent time with outside of our marriage a year ago.
Does this freak anyone out as much as it feaks me out??

Plus, why was he looking for those emails yesterday? What was he going to do with them? He berates me for deleting them and blowing the trust again, but why did he have them in the first place and why was he trying to find them yesterday???? He also has a picture of this guy on his computer that I found (while pornography snooping, I know, I know). WHY?? How does he expect to be able to move forward while retaining these items??

[NYsurvivor]

Whole lotta analyzing going on!!! Why is he doing this, why did he do that, why is this still here, doesn't he realize that this, that, that, this... all of it gets you nowhere.

I'd focus on "He's still furious, will not speak to me." and look to mend that.

[heatherg]

You're absolutely right. Having you say that reminded me of when I was in high school and was having a difficult time understanding algebra. When I tried to get one-on-one help, I would just argue with the person trying to help me about the theory, that it was stupid, didn't make sense, etc.
Maybe that's a very stubborn way of ignoring the real issue, huh??!
I have made progress with my goals. I will post more on that later.

Thanks

[heatherg]

I did make a lot of progress writing goals in my journal and I was going to post them here, but I just don't have the energy...I'm so frustrated.
Marital problems are not for the weak are they? Our trouble has been felt by me for about two years now and things got really bad a year ago when I told H about my betrayal. So, it's been a lot of ups and downs in that time. My hair has been falling out in the shower, more than I would say is normal. I think stress is taking it's toll...
H still will not talk to me. He won't answer my phone calls. I had to discuss a child related issue this morning and he wouldn't answer the phone. He's planning to take them to Chuck E Cheese tonight but won't tell me what time they're going, i.e. will they already be there when I get out of work? I ask and he just ignores, like he didn't even hear the question or sometimes I get a dismissing look of disgust as a reply.
My R with S4 always suffers when H and I don't get along. S4 always seems to look right through me as though he feels he has to take sides and I'm clearly not the choice.
I got frustrated this morning when he wouldn't answer the chuck e cheese question and I the kids were already in the car, I went back in the house and asked what all this means. I asked if he planned to talk about it with me or if this means we're back to seeing lawyers? No answer.
My PMA is in the gutter and I feel sick to my stomach.

[NYsurvivor]

I asked if he planned to talk about it with me or if this means we're back to seeing lawyers? No answer.

Something's brewing it seems, sorry to say.

Let whatever legal maneuver comes from this be just looked at by you as business, not personal.

I think a key point in your personal sitch is the re-establishing of trust. It sounds like your sleeves need to be rolled up on high on this one.

Your hair loss is likely due to stress, it sounds like alopecia. See a doctor. Look up some relaxation techniques.

Wow. We touched upon legal, personal and medical issues here! Be strong, you can do it.

[heatherg]

The irony is that we were supposed to be in court tomorrow, but we made some progress and I decided to hold off for a while.
I know it seems his lack of answer could spell that something legal is on the horizon, but it's hard to tell b/c this is just him. He ignores better than anyone I've ever met and it always makes me feel about 2" tall. Mission accomplished for him I guess.
I know all I can do is wait and see. If a D is in our future, I would rather have him do it actually. Of course I would rather the D not be in our future...

[NYsurvivor]

I know it seems his lack of answer could spell that something legal is on the horizon

It wasn't that so much as he was rummaging through the old emails for a reason. Now that you've added there's a court date tomorrow, I wonder if all that's related.

He ignores better than anyone I've ever met and it always makes me feel about 2" tall.

The fact of the matter is that you let yourself feel two inches tall. Now practice detachment, get really good at it, don't permit your H's WASist actions to impact so hard on your feelings, because someone who's two inches tall with hair falling out really, really needs all the PMA they can muster.

[heatherg]

I just posted something on another thread that I felt was some important insight into my own situation.
I said "A cheater's worst enemy is their own mind. The less you say, the more they think. And the more they think, the more they come back to reality".
I said this in reference to the way my H shut me out after I told him what I did. I had a lot of time to repent.
NY said I over analyze a lot. I think that's because I've been trained by the best!! My H is famous for ignoring me and not discussing. It puts knots in my stomach. Add to that the fact that I have been a fighter/yeller and once I get it out I can usually feel better. Two totally different styles and both of us would have been so much better off had we learned to communicate somewhere between those two extremes.
God, my M is so dysfunctional and always has been. It just wasn't evident unless there was a problem. And there's never been a problem as big as this one.....and now it all seems so unsurmountable. I know that's why we make goals and celebrate baby steps. That's so important. I thought I had a really good start on that and was pretty excited b/c for the first time since I started on this board, I was actually going to apply some of the things I've learned instead of just reading it. Now it may be too late.