Me-30 H-31 Kids-D2, S4 Married 5 years, together 12
Nealy a year ago I confessed a breach of trust on my behalf. I had seen a person outside of our marriage on about 5 occasions and there was some kissing involved. I was also involved in an EA with someone I met online. I was honest about everything, he asked and I told. I even gave him the password to my email and let him read everything that had passed between myself and other person.
There's also been an alcohol issue on his behalf since we met, although I didn't recognize it until a few years into the R.
I gave up hope about two months ago and signed D papers. He was served about 3 weeks ago. A week after he was served, he cut his drinking in half. Was absolutely adamant it WASN'T for me. That's ok, better that it isn't for me. I'm happy for him and hope it lasts. I told him if he was going to continue with that effort, I wasn't ready to give up hope. I postponed the court date indefinitley, and I really want to try. I struggle with the idea that I can't do it by myself though.
H won't go to C. I've been in C for many months now, but just had my first session last week with a new C. Hopefully a more solution-oriented one. She knew about DB, so we'll see.
H has had a history with being controlling anyway, so this breach of trust has brought all that back, raging.
I've read a lot but honestly have yet to actually apply a whole lot of what I've learned, which is part of why we are still having such difficulty a whole year later. The other part of why we are still having such difficulty is because H holds the anger very close although he says he's not angry, just doesn't care anymore. But he calls me a slut and a whore whenever he gets the chance, so I'd say he's probably still harboring a great deal of anger, huh?
Really need to make some friends here, people who've been through this and are going through this.
"Happiness is a butterfly, which, when pursued, is always just beyond your grasp, but which, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you."
