Thanks again. I'm so glad things are working out for you!!! I'm also glad to hear OW quit the clinic where H works!! I sure wish my OW would quit her job with my H!! One thing I think is a little funny is they have a compnay golf outting coming up. It is for employees only (but their are a few outsiders). I'm one of the outsiders that will be golfing and I bet she doesn't know. So in a way I feel - like ha ha I'm her and yes we are married. As far as DBing principles I have been trying to focus on me to, exercising, I have been staying positive, I'm not controlling and nagging like I use to be. I'm more affectionate with H, and we have had a lot of intimacy in the past 6 weeks which is very comforting and nice. I use to be so so consumed with our day to day lives, and working, the kids, the kids programs, cleaning the house, doing the laundry, etc. etc. I would never relax, I would never let anything sit (except I did put H last). So I know I'm also part of the problem. I wasn't a very caring person towards him. I never let him have guy time. I wanted him home all the time and when he was home I wanted him working, working like I was. Always busy busy busy. I have changed my focus. yes, our kids are very very important, but when this first started I was a mess. I was always calling him, chasing him around, etc. I quit doing that and saw an immediate change. I wasn't so needy so he became a little and I mean a little more interesting to H. I used the "STOP" principle everytime I wanted to call or text message him. I basically focused on me and the kids and on being happy, and happy when he was around. I have quit complaining about day to day life when he is present. I was always very happy when he was around and very easy to get along with. I quit complaining about day to day life - like dishes and laundry. I have since really become a better person. I am not controlling, H now does have time with his friends, and I think is is being honest when he tells me where he is going - at least most of the time. Because he will call and say I'm going golfing with so and so. I will run into so and so and their wife and that is what he did. I Have also tried not to bring up her name. On occassion he has mentioned her name in regards to work but now he calls her "dumb dumb" and not by her real name. I just listen. We have had a few arguments of course, but I now give him space when he asks. I use to follow him around the house yelling and trying to make my point because I felt I was right. I never do that anymore. He did plan an anniversary get away weekend for us a month or so back (18 years). We had a great time. He even gave me his cell phone to put in my purse when we were out of town. So that was a good sign. But, that month there were still phone calls. He did tell me that back in January he was thinking of leaving, but decided he does not want to - told me that in March. The other day I was paranoid again because there were still cell phone calls. And he told me that he was in this R with me for the long haul. I see good signs, but I have major trust issues and I feel like I hate the OW. I have never hated anyone before, so I do not feel good about that. Oh and I mentioned I think is he being honest with me about where he is, except a few weeks ago. He said he was going to an AA meeting, but I know he did not go at least it was not on his AA log. It was on his AA log for 2 days before the day he said he went. I wonder why? Where was he? I have not asked and it has been almost 2 weeks, but it bugs me. I wonder if he met her for breakfast... Why would he not be honest with me. This was the week he said he is in this R for the long haul. The I wonder, maybe he met her to tell her to quit calling??? But, then he would tell me right? If that is the case it did not work because she is still calling. Just seems so complicated. I want to ask so bad - where were U on the morning of xx/xx when you said you were are AA your log says you went at lunch on xx/xx. But, I know that would only cause issues. With your H have you to the point where you can ask questions? Thanks again!! And Take Care!
