Quote: The book says that children who grew up in a home where there was alcoholism/codependcy behave this way because
1. They are so used to being in pain and unhappiness that as adults they see threats where there are none. And
2. They exaggerate every little danger into a major threat and react accordingly.
They are basically distrustful of happiness and feel that unhappiness is inevitable.
That really describes my H. He is the one that grew up in a home w/alcoholism and emotional/physical abuse.
This has opened my eyes even more to why H reacts the way he does. I have often felt like I was fighting a losing battle with him through out our M. I have already been aware of the fact that he can't tolerate the slightest bit of anger/conflict. Guess what, I have a tendency to be quick tempered. But now I'm also seeing some other things that I didn't see before.
Sometimes I think we do need to know the WHY to figure out what the solution is. I can't fix my H, but I can certainly be mindful of these issues and control my temper and be careful in how I present issues/problems to him. Change my actions so he doesn't have anything to react too.
Quote: And wow! The flood gates just opened and a lot of pent up hurt came out. I felt like the weight of the world had been momentarily lifted off my shoulders.
It is so much better to get that hurt out than it is to keep it inside. When you hold it in you eventually explode. And keeping it in really interferes w/being able to forgive.
Quote: I think - How would I behave if I knew this would all pass and we would be happier than ever in 2 years?
You know, we would behave so much more positively and thus we would receive so many more positive results. Ultimately we can't change or control our H, but there is the chance that they will change themselves -- why would we want to ruin that chance with negative behavior. Very good way to look at things. Definately an attitude worth adopting.
Thank you H_S -- Your sharing of thoughts and feelings has really helped me pull the pieces back together.
