Okay, started freaking out about RL stuff again today. That stuff is really expensive here. I kept wondering who is this person giving him this stuff. Is she better than me. Is she competition etc.
My GF says I want my H to leave me because I am pushing him sooo hard with the lack of trust thing. She says I always jumpt to the worst conclusion first. She asks why I would give up all that I have in my M because I "think" that some one is giving H gifts.
She says stick to the facts. Some one, a woman, is giving H gifts or he bought them himself. She says jumping from that to "He is sleeping with her' is going too far.
She says I need to focus on changing me. If I created stress in the M for H then I have all the power to change that. She says I should stop focusing on what is wrong with H or what he did or is doing wrong and focus on me.
I am repeating what she says because it really shocked me when she said "You want him to leave you." It just rang soo true. It is my whole fear of abandonment. ANd although it is the very last thing I will really want, on some level I will know how it ends and be relieved.
How sick is that???
She suggested focusing on me and fixing me. SHe says if H wants to place all the blame for what went wrong in the m at my door then let him. It gives me all the power. So I can change me.
Sounds a lot like DB doesn't it?
Anyway journalling because I have been completely crazy making today!!!
