Hi guys. I am looking forward to my Vegas trip. But... There always seems to be a but. I think I have been obssessing about this monogamy thing too much. I went online and was researching it. Seems most people think that men can't be monogamous.
And that women need to accept and understand this. THat is just too much for me. I get very angry over the whole thing.
Even I will confess to the point of wondering if having an A. of my own will make me feel less like a fool who was betrayed and taken advantagel of. I went on Peggy Vaughn's site and was reading about her H's first a. and how "thrilled' he was and how distant he became with her.
Of course I started transferring this with my H and wondering about possible ow who is giving him RL clothes. Wondering things like
Is he bored with me Don't I excite him He's distant (I begin to imagine) just lie Peggy's H was. He lies to me, he's hiding his true self, life etc. Why can't we have a real relationship.
ANd the crazymaking , depressing thoughts go on and on, round and round.I swore I would not call H again and wait for him to call me. But this AM after hearing about the terrible terrorist attacks in the UK I called as I knew he would worry about his kids who live there.
THe kids also called home to say they were okay and I then called him back to let him know. H did not answer the phone at 6am. OF course me- wonder where he is.
At 7 H answer's phone. Seems tired and sleepy. He talks about what he's been up to. Censoring I am sure. Said he had beers late last night. Of course I am thinking H has someone in room with him. Then from conversation I figured maybe not.
Ok so I a driving myself completely NUTS!!!
Deb- I have to remember that I have given myself a timeline in which to DB and not accuse or freak etc. Its the only way I can survive this. It is exhausting me.
On a positive note. H did seem to want to talk and asked how things were going here. I am having problems with work because i think way unreasonable demands are being made. H and I talked about my leaving job.
Don't know. But H remembered and asked how things are going with that and if I had had any furhter meetings or problems with a particular person here at work.
Also H talked about how he's waiting to do certain stuff with me when I get there. So I guess I am on his radar.
I am upset- on the P.Vaughn site she mentions that most men think of the A. as an addition to their M and not as competing with it. IF that is the case how will I ever get my H to stop having them?!!!
