Oh, yes--the dad thing. I have the same dad issues. Mine is an alcoholic too but not recovering. He just didn't know how to express his feelings to me. I know that now. He never really paid attention to me unless I was in trouble for something. I know he loves me but he wasn't the kind of dad that I think most girls want. The dad who thinks you are a princess. He is very selfish and puts himself first. I don't have much to do with him anymore either. I do love him, but we just don't have a relationship and I was very hurt by some of the verbal abuse I got from him. He did the best he could and I believe I forgive him but I just don't want to be around him right now. And yes, this does affect my relationship with H. And my first H too. I know I tried to manipulate them both into feeling the way I thought they should and expressing it the way I thought they should. Part of the reason my first H left. Both of them have some similarities to each other and my dad. I guess we choose what is familiar to us.
But this time I am actually changing some things about me because I want to be a more positive, loving person--regardless of whether I get back the very same thing in the very same way I give it.
It's a long, hard road sometimes, but it took me 44 years to be the negative, self conscious, victim I was. It's going to take a little while to change, but I'm working on it. You are going to be great no matter how your M turns out.
