What is my 180 going to be this week? I am trying to do several actually.
First, I will not fight with H, especially not over the phone.
Second, I will try to recognise when I am craving H's attention unreasonably and try to let it be. An example of this was last night. H left Miami for Vegas. I had called H before he left and asked him to call me when he got to Vegas. H had not called at all since getting to Miami. I have done all the calling. I know he's angry with me. But I was also angry with him and worried that he was okay.
I asked H to call as I worry that he's arrived safely etc. There is a 3 hour time difference. But I had expected H to arrive there at about 7pm my time. I waited for his call. When he hadn't called by 9:30 I was pretty disappointed. I was a bit tearful and felt that H was playing power/control games again.
I tried to be reasonable and thought that ok maybe H was really tired, maybe there was some snafu at the hotel. He'll call in the morning. Usually I would think that H just doesn't care and maybe even call H and be upset and tell him how he was being uncaring etc. I tried to remind myself that this was not all about me only and what I wanted or felt I needed.
The phone rang at 12:30. It was H. He hadn't called earlier because he had left some of his important stuff in the taxi which took him to the hotel and had gone back to the airport and spent 3 hrs trying to find the taxi driver.
So there is a little success there. I think this is also a 180 on the fighting front as I did not call H and quarrel with him about not calling me.
I am also focusing on H's positive points and not the negative ones.
THis one is proving challenging. Guys this am I felt I was really losing it. I kept going back to the RL gift clothing and went to crazymaking from there. The only thing which helped was remembering that if there is an ow she is the symptom and not the cause of the problem.
So I will keep Dbing. I am pondering setting an initial time deadline of Dec 05 to stay in the M and not make accusations etc. no matter what. I need something to keep me from seesawing every day. It is too emotionally exhausting.
Tessa, wow. Thanks for the insight. Its good (in a way) to know I am nto the only one who has struggled with these issues. I do recognise that I may have made the M soo stressful that H responded by having an A.
Deb, thanks for your support. It means a lot to me and I have drawn inspiration from your strength. I hope things are going well with you. I still struggle with the choice I have made to stay for now. But I intend to keep trudging on like you said.
Slowly- Thanks for the nudge to accountability. Its easy to talk the talk. But putting it into action,that's another thing entirely.
