Wow, you could have been describing me in this post. I did all the same things.
I crave constant attention from H all the time. To the point I think of smothering him. I resent his friendships, his mom, his family, because I feel they are taking away from his time with me. I act as if there is not enough love to go around.
This was so true for me too. I just wanted to be with him and have his attention all of the time. All I succeeded in doing was smothering him. I am finding out that small portions of good quality time together really goes along way. I'm also figuring out that I have alot of control over how nice or how awful our time together is. When I'm being negative and difficult to be with, our time together is awful. But if I'm positive and easygoing, our time together is generally very good.
Even my mother says I am demanding and not easy to live with.
My mother has said the same thing about me. Wish I would have listened a long time ago.
I have not taken responsibility for my own life and have blamed H when things go wrong or are difficult. This includes making H responsible for my happiness.
I used to do this too. I expected him to make me happy. In the month or so before H left, he said one thing to me several times -- "I can't give you what you need." Of course he couldn't, I was expecting him to make me happy and satisfied with my life.
I focus on H's negative points.
Yeah, did that too. One thing I have tried is to take all of the things that I considered negative and turn them around to be positive. Sometimes it takes some creativity but it has helped me.
I fought with H over everything. I did not pick my battles but made our M a battlefield.
I was right there with you. There is definately something to be said for picking the battles and letting everything go except those that are of absolute importance.
I went to my T today. She basically says the same thing. She talked about being true to myself. To who I am. She says I should not feel ashamed of choosing to stay with H.
There is no reason to be ashamed of choosing to stay w/your H. If that is what you want to do, then don't be ashamed of it. No one can live your life but you. You need to do what is right for you. I made the choice that I wanted to be with my H and I would be patient and wait for him to return. I have not let anyone talk me out of it. I have stuck to my decision regardless of what anyone elses opinions are. I do get discouraged sometimes and I get emotionally tired as well as physically tired. But I vent it here and get a little rest and then I'm ready to stick to my resolve to wait it out until he comes back.
No one can say whether your H or my H will have another A. But if we can take a good look at ourselves and make those needed improvements to build a strong, solid, happy marriage -- then maybe we can prevent them from wanting to wander as they will be happy at home. This is what I am hoping for............
Your doing a really good job at looking at yourself and your contributions to the problem. Just don't take all the blame. I did that for awhile and it made me feel pretty low. We can't fix it all, but we can start the motion of change.
