All I can do is give H every benefit of the doubt and if something is going on I will find out eventually.
I went to my T today. She basically says the same thing. She talked about being true to myself. To who I am. She says I should not feel ashamed of choosing to stay with H.
Things I want to note:
I have been negative.
I crave constant attention from H all the time. To the point I think of smothering him. I resent his friendships, his mom, his family, because I feel they are taking away from his time with me. I act as if there is not enough love to go around.
Even my mother says I am demanding and not easy to live with.
I have not taken responsibility for my own life and have blamed H when things go wrong or are difficult. This includes making H responsible for my happiness.
I have not taken steps to GAL.
I focus on H's negative points.
I fought with H over everything. I did not pick my battles but made our M a battlefield.
I have listed what I see as situations in our M where I need to do a 180. I think listing them will help me to start thinking about appropriate 180s.
