I was reading your thread over in staying solution focused just this am. It helped me realise that I certainly have not been staying solution focused. Reading my most recent posts what I see is H wanting me to trust him without explanations.
This is very hard for me. I even think it is unfair of H. But it is what it is. I am beginning to think nothing is really going on and he is feeling angry at my lack of trust. I think my lack of trust is completely understandable.
But H has had a problem with accepting responsibility for his actions. He is quite spoilt. This does not mean that the state of our M was all his fault. I need to own my part in it as well.I realise I must work on forgiveness and I really must ACT AS IF big time if I am to succeed.
I think I need to emblazon that on my forehead. If I had taken the high road and acted as if this sitch would not be where it now is. I still hope to salvage it.
I know that you are right and that if something is going on I will find out about it. This makes even more sense as it will allow me to keep Dbing and give a greater chance to save the M. Now after the fact I am calm and see the sense. Then I just felt hit in the gut and reacted.
If I only focuse on the positives...hmmm. I have always been a pessimist and have often felt that focusing on the positive is another word for being in denial. I always felt that the pessimistic or negative view was "the true picture" of how things were. Lately I have been trying to focus on the positives (not much success huh?).
I have to change that and put my faith in the positives. And there are a lot of those. I get so afraid of believing in them though. So afraid H will hurt me. Accepting that I love him and am willing to take the chance to be hurt again is giving me a kind of peace.
Focusing on the negative will only guarantee failure. So I really have nothing to lose and everything to gain by focusing on the positives. I need to find a way to remember that.
Thanks for your straightforward advice. It helps a lot.
