Good! Go to Vegas and have a great time. Don't talk about R or possible A. Just have fun. He will be happy that you are having a good time and will enjoy being around you. I know what you mean about your mother. My mother's family always made me feel as if I had to be the responsible one, always able to take care of myself if I had too. So, I'm always afraid to ask for help cuz I should be able to do things myself. I also was left with the impression that men will leave you and you must be able to be independent when that happens. And that includes being independent in the M. I should do whatever I want regardless of what H thinks cuz I have to be independent cuz someday he's going to leave. Well, of course he left, cuz I kinda set it up subconsciously.
Anyway, I've been learning that it's ok to let him lead on occasion and make decisions. I can trust him to make a decision. Just cuz it might not be the way I'd do it, doesn't make it wrong. I don't have to control everything--and of course I can't anyway!
What does it mean for him to "earn" your trust. What does he have to do? I've not been able to put this in words really. It just seems to come with time and forgiveness. Just do it, I guess.
It sounds like he would only give up on the M because you say too. But are you just saying that hoping he will stop and beg you to stay and profess his undying love for you and all that romantic stuff? I know I've tried that a lot of times and never got that romantic, fantasy response. Cheeseless tunnel--not going to happen. But I know he wants to be with me even if he can't tell me in words. We were separated for almost a year and he came back by his own decision. If that isn't enough to prove to me he wants to be here, I don't know what is--even though I still look for the fantasy expression of his undying love!
Be patient, try not to do something that makes him feel he has to defend himself. Love him unconditionally if that is what you want to do. There is nothing wrong with that no matter what our families wanted us to believe. No one is perfect, neither us or our Hs. Everyone makes mistakes.
