I need to get it through my thick head that he does not love me. A man who truly loved me and wanted our M would not be doing this. I am writing here as I need to get this out and I feel as if my heart is breaking all over again.

I don't know how others do it. If there is an ow I am done. "If there is". How can I even question that???!!! I mean who the f#$k is giving him RL stuff!!!

This is the last thing I want to do. I want my M. I can't say I love my H because I think I don't know who my H is. I love that part of him that is good, kind and loving. Where is that person?

I remember when I found out about the first A it was weeks after we had been skydiving in Tampa. H had had a bit of a problem with the jump. I remember saying to him that I felt as if my H had died on that jump. I also said it would have been easier on me if he had. I regret that now. No matter what nobody deserves that as the penalty for infidelity.

I don't want this but I don't have a choice. H has chosen for me. For my own pride and self esteem I cannot look the other way and pretend this is nothing. I mean now H has 8 RL things. Two from his sister and the rest from whom???!!!!


I mean am I overreacting here? Would appreciate any insight, thoughts, comments.

H is leaving on his trip tomorrow am. He will be gone until end of August. At least we planned to be out in Las Vegas until end of August. Now I will leave and move to own house before H gets back which will be latest mid August as hotels are already paid for until then. So this is my last night with H.

I have not told him this. But I feel I must do this. I do not intend to meet him out there and will not be here waiting when he comes back.

A part of me would be relieved. I could focus entirely on my career(whopee ding). I would not have to constantly compare myself to other women and wonder if H is cheating with one of them or whatever. I will have peace (of a kind).

I hate this. I can't believe that after all my hard work that this is what it comes to. That my M ends. I always thoght somehow someway we could work it out. Guess its not meant to be.