I guess I don't know how to say this. I don't want to say this. I can't keep doing this. As I mentioned before H is going away on business trip. I was helping him pack and what do I see but yup the infamous Ralph Lauren clothes.
In my previous thread I detailed how H wore a red Ralph Lauren polo shirt to go out. It was a Sunday in January jsut after the new year started. Now H is not the kind of guy to buy RL stuff. He is a very basic kind of guy.
He also has a thing about not buying something with someone else's name blazoned on it. Just today he mentioned that he went shopping for a baseball hat and bought a generic one cheap instead of the expensive designer one. He mentioned that he could nto believe the brand name one was so expensive just because of the brand name.
Anyway back in January. I asked H where he got the shirt. He claimed it was hanging in the closet for a long while. Now I know every piece of clothing in our closet. In our home for that matter. And a bright red shirt I would have noticed especially as H does nto own anything else red.
We were going out. I told H that I had already told him that if he was doing it again (an A) that that would be the end as I was not prepared to accept it. He said he knew this and denied that anyone had given him the shirt.
Later I checked his closet drawers and found a bright blue RL pair of shorts (a color H would never buy for self) and a pair of long black RL pants with a blue waist band. I searched through all H's things to make sure I knew what was in there.
I decided to let this go as I figured maybe some old GF had given it to H and felt that he was not involved in an A. Yesterday he's packign and brought out some new tshirts. I asked where he got them. He said he had bought them some time ago with some others he used for exercise.
I remembered that he had in fact bought extra ts which he had not yet used. I jokingly said "Any RL stuff in there?" and H said "You know once you see anythign you don't remember you think some ow gave it to me"
Well back to the story. I was packing his suitcase for him. He had selected what he wanted to wear and jsut thrown it into the suitcase on the understanding that I would pack it properly for him.
So I don't get why he would do something as stupid as he did. There they were two brand new RL shorts. Now H and I went on a short trip over a long weekend in May. I was looking for shorts to pack for him. These were not in his drawer. A black short pair with red waistband and a blue/purple pair.
I got upset instantly. I kept packing and did not say anything to H. But you could feel the temperature drop. At least I could. H tried to be playful and I did not respond. He asked what was wrong and I said nothing.
I went into our bedroom and H followed and hugged me from behind and asked what's the matter. I told him I had promised myself that I would not get upset with H before he left on his trip and that I did not want to talk about it.
I started to cry a bit, just silent tears and told H nto to touch me. I left and went downstairs. After a little while I came back up.H then went down and started eating junk from the fridge a sure sign he's bothered.
I went down and sat silently. H asked what was bugging me and I said I did nto want to talk about it as H had already come home in a bad mood and he would only take it out on me.
Later we went to bed. H sleeping on floor. I told him I wnated to tell him something. I told him why I was upset. Then I told him that we were both adults and that H could live his life any way he wanted to as it was his life. But that I did not want to live my life a certain way.
I told H that I wnated it to me only the two of us in the M and not any third party. H denied that he was seeing any one else or getting gifts from anyone. He also said that if I thought he would put the shorts there knowing I was packing and would see them.
Makes no sense to me but as I said to him his RL wardrobe has now grown to five RL shorts! Now I know his sister had given him two of them years ago which he doesn't really wear. But where did the other three come from? Especially the latest two.
H said that everything in the closet was either something he bought or a gift from his mom,sister or my cousin who works with him. I told him exactly and I knew everything they had given him so he could not say these were gifts from them and he also could not say he bought them for himself as he wouldn't buy stuff like that for himself.
H insisted that I was nuts and that there was no trust in the M and he was fed up with this and my accusations. I asked him where this left us. He said he was telling me the truth which I did not believe so that we would go apart eventually.
I told H I would not turn a blind eye and would give him a hard time about stuff like that and was nto prepared to accept it.
He said I either had to turn a blind eye which I did nto need to do as there was nothign to turn a blind eye to or I had to start trusting him. I told him not to take me for a fool.
I mean WTF is up with him? Could he really be soooo stupid or think that I am soooooo stupid????? This must mean that this has been goign on for six months all while I was trying desperately to save the M and H telling me how much he loved me.
I am done. I am fed up. I don't know what to do. I don't think I can continue this way and think that when H goes off on his trip I will move out. Let him do whatever the f@$k he wants. I feel like the man I thought I loved and who loves me does not exist. Its all a game to him.
Any thoughts welcome. I am bracing myself to find a way through this. I see S and then D as the only answer now.
