It does help. A lot! I did notice the pattern and realise the demons are raising their heads. I am determined not to give in. I would hate to be on the outs with H just before he goes off on a business trip.
Its almost as if the better things seem the scarier it feels for me. I start wondering if he's making a fool of me again, is he cheating, is he bored with me,does he think this is all a joke etc.
Its as if sabotaging the R is the only thing that brings any relief. But I see the pattern and I will not do it this time.
I am reminding myself about all the ways H has shown me that he wants this M more than anything. Even my MC said that given H's paranoia about being private that the fact that H would even come to therapy showed how very much he wants to save the M.
