Okay now I understand. I asked the question because (my pyschanalysis anyway) I think that because H's father was a terrible womaniser and his mom accepted it and then H's first wife accepted it that he thinks this is how M works.
I need him to know it is not how M works and that it is not acceptable. H has said to me that he could not understand that I would want to end our M or leave him over infidelity.
This amazes me since I made it clear to H from day one that it was not acceptable to me. I am concerned that having come back he thinks that he can do this again and "get away" with it.
Martha, I have thought about it a lot. I don't know where to draw the line in the sand. I always thought I was the kind of woman that one strike and your're out when it came to cheating.
But I couldn't and did not do that. I love my H. He is a very good H in lots of other ways. Now that I focus more on his positive qualities things seem to only get better in that regard.
But and its a huge but, infidelity is for me a deal breaker. As much as it would break my heart to do it, if H does this again it will be the end. So I guess I have drawn a line in the sand.
I say I haven't because there is a small part of me that wonders if I really would end it. You see I think that H's past and family past has coloured the way he behaves. I think he does love me but somehow thinks this type of thing is acceptable(don't ask me how)!
Deb, my H has the teenage rebellion thing going as well! Telling him not to do something is guaranteed that he will do it. Its so juvenile, I mean my H is 46!But that's why its so important for me not to try to cotrol him.
I did say I would list 3 positives so here goes:
H and I ML this am We are hanging out together this evening. H arranged to have my car taken into the shop H said to me that he knows what he has and its what he wants meaning me
H said he wants me to be happy and will support me if I want to quit my job
