Hi Hope, I wanted to stop by and touch base...actually I read your thread (lurk!) most of the time....but don't post often because I don't know what to add. I need to be better about just saying "hi" to folks....
Quote: would it be a good thing to show him that I don't care whether he messes around or not?
I've grappled with this an awfully lot, and it's tough. I came to the conclusion in my case that I needed to let H know, as calmly and firmly as possible, that it DID matter to me if he was messing around, and it WASNT ok...and then to drop the issue most of the time. Every so often when things would come to light, I would reiterate that this was not acceptable and I wasnt going to live with it forever....
One thing that I think is important, but i found really tricky, is that I needed to base what I told him on what I needed in my life/needed to do for my own well-being, and not on the hope that some how my actions or words would cause him to respond in a certain way (the way I wanted, of course)! That's really really tough, for me anyway, but I feel like it's important. Important because in my sitch, my H has this "teenage rebellion" (ML?) streak that makes him go into "you don't like it????ok, watch this" mode....but somehow expressing what I have to have in my life for ME is different than saying things in the hope that he'll do what I want. I guess it still leaves the choice up to him.
It's sooooooooooooo hard not to be seeking the reassurance. I find myself starting to get anxious this afternoon because I've not had any emails from him since lunchtime. Listing positives always helps me to regain my equilibrium; keeping busy does also.
it's just so darn tough, isnt it? I think you're doing well, though.
