Things are quiet on my front. H is going on a business trip/holiday on 29th June. Am trying not to backslide from now until then.
Maybe am freaking out but found a tiny earring stopper on the carpet in our bedroom this am. Don't think its mine. I don't think H would bring an ow into our home as one of the neighbours who is at home all day would definitely mention it to me.
There were workmen in the house yesterday so could have come in that way. Can't say 100% its not mine. Do you think some ow is trying to drive me crazy?
I am still suspicious of H although most of the time I believe that nothing is going on. Don't know what to make of this back and forth with the trust thing. When we talk I believe with all my heart that nothing is going on. Then later on I start crazy making.
Yesterday am it rained a lot. Looked quite dreary out. H said he was going for an early swim. Asked if I wanted to go. Got distinct impression that he did not want me to go. He said "its really cold out you may not like it". I said I was not going and then changed my mind.
Just to see what H would say. He didn't object. Anyway I stayed at home because telephone repair guy was coming. I did wonder if H was going to see some ow in early am before work.
H called at 8:15 to say he had gone walking instead and was now going to take a swim. When H came home he talked about having seen "X" on the hill. This is a guy we usually see walking. H mentioned short conversation he had with the guy.
Now this may be H's way of reassuring me that he did go walking so why am I thinking its an elaborate cover up story???? H's assistant who is my cousin's wife said H was happy at work that day. Was it because things are good between us or does he have an ow???
These are the suspicions going through my mind.
On a positive note I will be taking a belly dancing class soon. I mentioned it earlier but have been too busy at work to go. Will let you guys know how that goes!
Some positives. H is loving and makes me breakfast every am. But even during the a he never stopped doing stuff for me. Guess I am not in a good place lately.
BUt I do see the triggers and where this could go. After the last "I will D you if you do this again" dance, I swore I would not go there again and I don't want to, especially when H is going to be away on a trip.
I will be joining him on August 4 but we won't see each other for a whole month. Maybe this is a good thing.
Hi Hopeful - Dealing with these random fears is just always going to be tricky. An arsenal of 'distractions' is called for - what are you doing to create precious memories for H to recall while he is away for a month?
Yup distractions. I think I need to amp it up on the ML front. I think Kegels are a first step for me. Also a way to be more HD than LD which I think I have been for a large part of our M.
Memories- haven't been doing much new stuff. I do feel bored and boring right now. Think I need to flirt more with H.
H is a very particular kind of guy when it comes to what he likes to do. He is into exercise especially outdoors, walking, swimming that's what he's into.
Think this weekend I will invite him to go kayaking or biking. I am a big coward, not a good swimmer or biker but need to try harder.
I am into hanging out at hot spots on a Friday night. H not into that. THink H would prefer drinking in a pub if it came to that. He's a beer kind of guy. I need to be more "down to earth" more downtown than uptown kind of thing.
Maybe will start giving H foot massages again. He loves those. H and I want to go see the Mr.& Mrs. Smith movie also. Erm- can't think of more now.
As am posting this thinking I really need to be more atlethic with H. Ellie had mentioned this to me as something she had done with her H. Think being more into hiking, walking hills and swimming will help.
Also need to lose 20 lbs. Already lost 25 but need to do more. Need to be more 'cool' as well.
Okay am rambling now. Should go its late at night here. Have a good weekend all.
I am on my 2nd marriage and have a new baby and 2 older children. My husband has been SO amazing for my kids and been so good to me. Problem is that I Just found out he is a diagnosed pathological liar. It involves his success and our finances. I want to believe in him and am trying but he owns a business and there is no real way for me to keep tabs on him. Do I want to spend my life keeping tabs on him? I think a divorce would literally KILL my other 2 children. How do I do this? I do it day by day but I question EVERYTHING he does because he lacks true understanding on what he has done. Please help me......I really want to save this marriage and my family.
I am so sorry you are in this situation. I really don't know what to say to you. Is your H getting professional help? You say he has been diagnosed as a pathological liar. Did a T. make this diagnosis.
If you can I would persuade H to get help. Also I would suggest that you find a T and get support for what you are now dealing with.
I have no experience of pathological lying but perhaps if H is willing to acknowledge the problem and get help you could start there. Wishing strength and blessings.
Today I have been soo overwhelmed by work. I am completely exhausted. Feel as if I am being forced to make a choice between my M and my work.
My work seems to be demanding everything and there will be nothing left over for my M. But DBing requires all the energy I have. What to do? I don't know.
Okay I am a perverse creature. It was a holiday here on Monday. H came home straight from work on Saturday, we spent all of Sunday and Monday together. Went kayaking on Monday. Will tell you about that!
But so okay this was great. But today I am wondering if H is arrangign to meet some ow this pm. He says he may go exercising. H has karate on Mondays and Wednesdays and we do some form of exercise either swimming or walking in the am before work.
H went to his doctor last week. The doc said h's blood pressure was slightly elevated. ALthough he said another test would have to be taken to see if it really had gone up, he did tell H that exercise would help prevent such problems.
In the past few months H has started meditation in the am and so has not been exercising as much. Also since he was exercising in the am he was not going out at night. I also felt H was not out with ow so was at home more in evening.
Now with doc tellign him about exercise and H struggling to lose weight he wants to start exercising in pm again. I want what is best for H but I hate the fact that he will be out every night.
I used to go with him in the pm and he has hinted that maybe we can start walking in the evening again. That would be nice but I think all this exercise plus work pressures are going to do me in!
I don't want to ask if i can go to gym with H because it will look like i am trying to monitor H to make sure he's not up to something (this will be true).
I know I know that if H wanted to be up to anything he could do it any way.
Good news and not so good news. On Tuesday H said he was going to walk after work. Remember he's on an exercise tack trying to lose weight.
Usually I would go home sit and wonder if H was really exercising or out with ow. I went home and did some exercise of my own using the Firm videotapes which I had gathering dust.
I felt great, it took my mind of that icky stuff and I was still exercising when H came in the door. I got sense that he really was only exercising.
And yesterday in the evening which is H's karate class day and when I would usually do the same sit at home and worry thing, I went out with a GF instead.
I had intended to get home just before H did. Instead when I got home H was already there. He seemed a little peeved that i was not home when he got there. He had bought me a treat and had lots of stuff to tell me including an article he had saved from the newspaper.
I think he was looking forward to spending time with me (I hope).
But now for the not so good news. H is going away on a business trip on 29th. He will be going to Miami, Chicago and Las Vegas. Las Vegas is strictly vacation. I will join him there on August 4th.
I am worried that H will cheat while he is out there. I strongly suspect he did in the past and confessed that he did in his first M. We have argued about this issue before and I think H seems to think that on vacation there are no rules.
This a.m. while lying in bed with H he sensed that something was bugging me. He insisted on knowing what it was. I told H that I did not want to join him in Vegas like the good little wife if he had been screwing around all of the previous month.
He said he did not want to be the good hubby waiting for me in Vegas and I was having a good time at home. It is true that I have sort of hinted that I can't wait to be away from H.
This is just my defence mechanism because I don't like the idea of H going away without me and enjoying it. BTW these trips are all optional none are necessary. So I feel a little hurt that H seems to want to spend time away from me.
Anyway, H said later this a.m. that he knew we would make it in spite of Miami, Chicago and Vegas as if it were a joke.
I mean what does he mean? Is it that he is implying that I should just accept that he will cheat when he is out of sight? Or does he mean we will survive my anxiety over the trip?
I confess although I swore I wouldn't do the "I will D you" dance, I did say to H "that's why I did not want to join you in Vegas. In fact I might just pack up and leave".
Okay I know it was stupid. H's we will survive comment was made later after that conversation. Sigh. Even if H reassures me how do I know for sure. Will I even believe him?
I don't think H is doing anything here at home. But what will he do out there?
You need to drag out your "Act-As-If" skills big time here, gf.
GO to Vegas. Meet him. Have fun. Enjoy the time. And GAL while he's gone. You're already working on that now.
You are over-analyzing things. You have to accept the fact that you can not control H or H's actions. But you can control you and your behavior/actions. You can control what you say and do.
You can do this. Basically you have to SHOW H you don't care whether he messes around or not, that is, if you want to continue DRing. If you don't, then don't and walk now.
Okay I get the act as if and showing H that I trust him aspect but would it be a good thing to show him that I don't care whether he messes around or not?
I ask because I grapple with this issue constantly. What message do I send to H. H is always pushing my buttons with this issue. I think its a little mean and insensitive of him but there it is.
I find that we get along better if I jsut make like its no big deal. H has said in past that I make everything a problem and that this was cause of our problems.
I agree that I over analyse things to death. Need to stop doing that. I don't know how. THink GAL may help.
I am really looking forward to the time on my own to organise the house, spend time with friends, shop, veg out. Get a fantastic new hair do.
Journalling- I called H a few minutes ago. He had gone to court with his mom. She sued someone over damages etc. Anyway the matter has been dragging on for 4 years.
I called to find out how things had gone as I did not want H to think I was uncaring about it. When I called we spoke for a little while then H kind of rushed me off the phone.
I was a little upset then I realised that H must be busy and that he at least took the time to speak with me and was pleasant.
So instead of calling back and seeking reassurance or asking why he was rushing me off the phone I dealt with it. So small step- actually big 180 for me.
I think I will start listing positives of my day with H like others do so I will focus on those more than on negatives.
One of my original goals was to be more positive with H and more positive generally.So later guys
I think Kegels are a first step for me. Also a way to be more HD than LD which I think I have been for a large part of our M.
