Hi Martha,

Tell all you say. Well I manage a department for an "important" organisation. The stress is just not what I want in my life. I feel that I need a more creative outlet. For a long time I couldn't figure out what I wanted to do.

I like interior design and thought that that might be a possibility. I signed up for an Internet short course. I have not started it yet. You can go at your own pace.

I do understand H's concern. I left my old job in 2002 and started up my own business.In between when I left the job and started the business- 2 mths- I got serious cabin fever. I felt depressed and missed having an office and a job title.

I was anxious to go back to work. H got the brunt of it so I guess he doesn't want to go thru that again. Recently he was all for it and then when we had a backslide he said if I stayed at home I would expect him to entertain me and get angry if he was not always there with me.

I see his point. Thing is I also want to be independent financially. So I will try the interior decorating course and see how that goes.

BTW I have been reading John Gottmans Seven Principles of a Successful Marriage. It is a real eye opener.

It talks about the reasons Ms fail. AN interesting aspect. He talks about complaining turning into criticism and contempt and how defensiveness also sends the message that you are right and spouse is wrong.

It is quite helpful to me as it helped to explain what happened with the talk H and I had last night about the clutter issue.

Gottman says that sarcastic or contemptuous remarks signal to your spouse that you are disgusted with them and this makes it difficult for them to respond positively to your complaint.

He also says men are masters at stonewalling and that this is because they are biologically more stressed by marital conflict than women.

Its an interesting read.