I can take blunt. In fact I appreciate it because I know i really need it.
H and I have been through this cycle of me beating him over the head with the a. if he makes one false move in my book.
H said basically the same thing that you did. That is that if I keep looking back we will never be able to look forward.
I know I want to do it. I know I need to do it if my M is to work. But when that demon of doubt and fear that its still going on or starting up with someone else happens I completely freak!
I was thinking this am that I need to think hard of how to deal with the crazymaking when the doubts start like if H is late or unavailable on the phone or I don't know where he is.
H told me he went to the doctor and what the visit was about so I know he did go. I mentioned the lying thing because H is very secretive about most things. I think he did not want me to worry so he didn't say and yesterday decided to tell the truth rather than let me think he was off with some ow.
I talk about trust and some days manage to believe I am beginning to trust H again and then something happens and I realise I don't trust him at all.
H has never admitted the a and is very impatient with me if I have any trust issues. That is not to say that he is not trying. He has sometimes started calling when he will be late esp. on a Saturday or he will tell me where he went and what he did.
In his own way he is trying but sometimes I get really mad because I feel he did this, he caused this and now I have to deal with it and his attitude is well that's your problem you deal with it, or so it seems sometimes to me.
H was spoilt by him mom and in his 1st M his first W caught him cheating several times and never (according to H) made much of a big deal about it.
But ironically she was also cheating on him and when he found out he left the M. H has said to me many times since this started that he is not accustomed to a W making a big deal about cheating and he never thought his W would leave him if she caught him cheating.
Anyway you are right- I have talked about GAL but have done nothing to get one. I start dance classes next Wednesday so that is my first try.
I have talked about going back to the gym but have been reluctant to do it for some reason.
I am afraid that if I GAL I will be off doing my own thing, H will be off doing his own thing and we will drift apart and the M will end anyway. Its crazy but I feel like if I am at home that H will want to come home or not cheat.... This is sooo stupid of me to think but I do.
Martha, I don't understand where the validating thing comes in though. How could I have validated H in the sitch?
