I have decided I am done. Several conversations H and I have had, and several things he has said/done/not done led me to this, finally.
1. H is not happy. At all. And he is making no move to change things. 2. H is continually making plans for him and exOW's kids, and never including me and our kids. Right now he's looking for a house for them. Never once mentioned us moving down there. 3. I am looking for a nannying job. I homeschool my kids, so I have to find something I can bring them along to. I tell H about one I think I might have and how much I'd be getting paid, then he says "oh, then I wont have to send you money anymore". *blank stare* I get mad and tell him I have bills and kids to support. He yells that I don't even pay rent. So I yell back, asking how the hell long he thinks I can continue to live in my parents' basement. AHHHHH! 4. I just don't have the desire to do it anymore. H and I are opposites. PTSD and our past aside, I really don't believe he can ever be what I want. And I don't want to spend any more time waiting around to find out. I can't take one more instance of being made to feel wrong or guilty for being who I am. 5. I am not happy. I want to start to live again. I know I can do that without divorcing him, but I honestly want to divorce him now.
