HI Ellie!!!! yes, yahoo!!!!! it feels like this has been forever coming. I'm not quite sure where I'm at yet, kinda shell shocked, I think I really need to check out the KLA cds to make sure we are on the right track, but i am just so amazed.
really, H seems "better than ever"...he is nice to me, he is kind and thoughtful and patient and loving. he reaches out to hold my hand when we're just watching tv...and he does these things on his own. Gone is the twinge of underlying resentment and anger that was ALWAYS there. sometimes I'll catch myself apologizing for doing some little thing that used to drive him up the wall (getting in his way as we're getting dressed for work, for example) and he will say, "it's ok, you can't help it" or "it's ok, I don't mind at all"...
I HAVE TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO KEEP THIS GOING AND.....GROWING.
I think he has been shocked at how blindly he was sucked in with her manipulative ways. I had a feeling my "real" H would be shocked....This is NOT the kind of person he has EVER EVER EVER cared for...but I thought maybe she had managed to suck my real H down the tubes.
Evidently nothing happened between them yesterday, meaning no contact, h says he's heard nothing for several weeks. Which makes it all the sweeter because it has to mean that he came to the thoughts he was sharing about "us" seperately from anything she did.
Last night we walked, and H talked for hours again about ow, the whole 1.5 hours we walked and even some afterward. It's like he needs to get it out of system, but he needs to share it with me. and I get the feeling that he desperately needs to know that I love and accept him inspite of it all. I see now that several weeks ago when he was beginning to talk about her, he was "testing the water" so to speak, I think to see if I could REALLY love him enough to deal with all this. and when I would lose it and get so upset (there were a few almost all-night crying jags) it shut him down in the process of letting go and really coming back.
I tell you what, I sure know a heck of a lot about ow...sheesh. oh, well. at least I know I called it right with h.
it's amazing to me as well how much more easily we talk about things now. last night we talked about how improtant it is to learn to recognize priorities in life, and what to "let go" of and what to "keep"; talked about how quickly the kids have grown, talked about how we both fall short of what we wish we could be. we NEVER had those kind of talks before.
I just gotta make sure we stay on track!!!! this degree from the school of hard knocks has been incredibly expensive
