ok, just a "weekend update", I guess. I really am starting to think we "made it"....except I am so afraid to get my hopes up...however, this was weekend #6 with NO "Paperwork".
I don't recall if 6 is the record or 8 is the record...but at any rate, we're closing in, and I am sure that if this can maintain for another couple of weeks, I will be doing much better, as will "we"....

actually it was a quiet weekend, not much going on at all. Except that H seems so much more content and loving. Frankly he is more loving and affectionate than I recall him being even when we were dating. it is so nice, and it seems SINCERE now, "different" than when he was in w/ow

We did a lot of yard work, which is good. frankly the place has been so neglected for the last 2 years that it needs a lot of trimming, etc., done. and H is actually "into" it....I think this is a change.

Honestly I guess there's not a lot of activity to report, we hung out at home, worked in the yard and garden, watched a movie, ML Saturday morning (and it went well), talked a lot, watched tv and held hands during it.

We talk pretty openly about the A and other issues now. I guess that's good. I asked H at one point if he had seen me as a "doormat" for hanging in with all this going on, he looked puzzled and asked what I meant...I explained it as being a fool afraid to face the invitable, or too weak to stand up for myself...he said "no, I saw you as incredibly strong and powerful ???, and it was a great strategy. (?????); it absolutely drove her (ow) nuts, and I began to see that you were the one who truly loved me. I asked H if he had meant it when he began telling me a year ago that he was not leaving home/me, and he said yes he had...I asked why then did it take so long for the other to end, and he said he wasnt sure, that it just took that long to "die"...H said that he had been praying for a way out for a long time....I have no clue why he couldnt see that the way out was for him to say "no more" and walk away....I guess because he couldnt be the bad guy.

My brother called last week and invited us to 4th of July weekend.H talked to him, and seemed happy to accept. Then on Saturday while I was gone to work out, intrusive overbearing mil called H and chewed him out for being disrespectful to her and fil by "avoiding" them and not calling or paying enough attention, and DEMANDING that we go to H's sister's for 4th. I hate her bossy intrusiveness. We are 50 years old and she still thinks she can tell us what to do. of course, that's probably because it works. H told her we would go out there ( 2.5 hour drive each way) for a few hours the day of the 4th...and this will be after we drive back from my brothers, as I will have to tell him we will need to celebrate on the 3rd. It's all just a power play for mil....I get sooo sick of it, but I am certain this is where a lot of H's issues come from, and that for years I took the heat of his emotional transference from his anger and resentment towards his overbearing mother.
And that the only way for me to successfully db was to back waaaayyyyy off from even starting to appear as any kind of authority figure (wife/mother) and to just go as a "friend" "supporter", "lover?"....in order to start to get past all those issues.

been around awhile!