I am trying so hard to let myself believe that things are really over with ow. I swear all indicators are that it must be...I am shocked at how hard it is for me to finally accept that. part of that has to be related to past experience...I swear is always so obvious to me when he runs back to her, I just keep waiting for it to happen. How will I ever get past this???? I truly don't know. As an example I havent heard much from him by email today, and I know in the past that often I didnt hear much on Thursdays, and that is when it would later become obvious that I wasnt hearing because that is when they were making their plans.
One thing that does help is when he talks about the A/contact/etc., even though it dredges up stuff that can be painful I was reading an article for the "cheater" yesterday that talked about that one way for them to regain trust is to become "transparent" by talking about contact, what they're doing, etc....and I recall in Not Just Friends it talking about putting walls around the M and windows into the A....that is what's going on when he talks, and it does help.
It helps in spite of the hard stuff. For example the other night he said that they had been getting along the best they ever had from this past Oct. when they got back together until the 1st part of May when things started to unravel. That was hard to hear, because that was the time when I was working so hard to make no mention of ow and focus on what was good with us... of course, she was probably doing the same thing as well.
Somewhere, I need to find some specific ideas for getting past all this. I guess time will help....if we get 3 or 4 months down the road with no sign of "crap", it will be a big improvement. I don't think it's ever gone more than 6 weeks before.
