Try to calm down, Deb. Lots of analyzing and crazymaking in your post. Stop bugging him about the weight machine. You might not think you are bugging him but he probably sees it that way. Let him talk when he wants to and make his decisions about things when he's ready. And you have to try to stop telling him you are scared. He knows and he knows when he goes out that you are worrying, but he has to do it right now. And he cannot reassure you right now. Unfortunately, he is probably stressed out as far as he can be without falling apart with all the stuff in his mind and you adding to it is going to start pushing him away.
I know it is hard but please try your best to leave him alone. Get to a counselor and work on your self-esteem issues. Work on our GAL. Get busy and think about something else. Did you get back on your prozac? I know it is easier said than done--I've been in it--still am to some degree. You can do it!
