just a quick update....I feel again like I'm going in circles from confusion. H is totally completely weird, in a "funk", I guess you would say. H seems alternately really po'd and then so depressed he's about to bawl....when I say alternately, I mean in the space of maybe 15 -20 minutes he swings from one to the other.

to recap: He stopped by my office last night on the his way out. I was on my supper break, and was looking at some spicy undies on the computer. H saw them, and was quite enthralled. When I got home around 9, he was in the basement, came right upstairs when I walked in...he often spent time on the phone w/ow down there, I don't know if he'd have been doing that or not, but he came upstairs immediately.

We watched a little tv...I swear, I view this as an AOS for him, I am NOT that into tv, in fact I never used to watch it, but he seems to like it when I watch it with him....while we were doing that, he asked if I'd ordered the racy bras....told him I hadnt yet, cause I didnt want to do that at work...he just sighed.

at bed time, he initiated ML....commented he'd been thinking all evening about those undies....I guess I better get them ordered ...and seemed enthusiastic. but it was the weirdest thing...I hate to be blunt, but he wasnt able to have an orgasm, which is very rare....I havent a clue what would cause that.

Several times in the night he did reach out and hold and snuggle me, firmly enough that I woke up enough to know he was doing it, in a way that somehow seemed like he was trying to reassure himself.

I had to come to work this am, H is off, so we talked just briefly before I walked out the door. He seemed so down and angry, just real irritable. I commented that he seemed unhappy, and he said he physically didnt feel well (I've heard this a lot during the wonderful, blissful A)...I told him I understood that, but he seemed angry or upset, as well. that I was always there to listen if he wanted me to, and that if I'd done something to upset him, that I was open to discussing it. then he kinda opened up....said "I'm trying to deal with "stuff". I asked,"physical stuff, or other stuff" and he said "other stuff". I told you that it's going to take me a while, that there will be days when I'm sad and when I'm mad. It's hard to get over, it doesnt "just happen", and I have to try to deal with that and then I have to deal with your stuff (meaning my anxiousness) at the same time and it makes it harder. Sometimes I do better if I just have a little space. At the time I was able to be calm and ration, told him I know my anxiety is hard, that it's real tough for me but i'm working on it, that I know this stuff is hard for him and that is ok, I don't expect it to be blown over all at once, that I understand...
H said that I have nothing to be anxious about or fretting over, that "we are going to be fine, it just is going to take me awhile"...

I told him I loved him and would try to help however I could, that I need him to let me know what/if I can do something to help, and that sometimes when he withdraws I think it's something I've done (yes, I know, Mars/Venus stuff here) and that it helps me a lot to know that he will tell me if there is something between us, or that he just is "off".

He just nodded, said "I know you love me"...I kind of teased and said "well now, how do you know that", and he said "you tell me " . Probably I shouldn't have, but I couldnt resist commenting "hmmmm, I hope there are other ways you know to!" ....then I just told him "see you soon" and left for work.

So, I don't know, I keep reminding myself of the "Mars/Venus" scenerio, and of what others here have reminded me/told me, that there will be days when he's not very nice to be around when the A actually ends (from that standpoint, maybe this is actually a good thing?) and to keep a lid on my anxiety by dropping the rope and focusing on positives...in both our R, as in sexy outfits and building "good stuff" between us; and in my own life, as in working out and figuring out finances for me (?????easier said than done!!!)etc.

I dunno, though, anyone have any other thoughts/insights on the sex stuff, the hot/cold emotional stuff????

Oh, last night when we were watching tv, I commented that the nurse who is an office mate w/ow came in late to a meeting and looked like she'd been crying....H said "well, I wouldnt be surprised if she'd been fighting with her old buddy"...I asked what/who he meant, and he said ow....that they hate each other and fight like cats and dogs and always get each other in trouble, and "old D.... loves to argue and fight, and she will never ever give one up or get over it, it's a lifetime thing with her once it starts"....I couldnt decide if that comment means he may be starting to see ow as she really is, or not. Don't I wish.

been around awhile!