Hi Ellie and WN...thanks for stopping by. I so have my fingers crossed this time, but I'm starting to dare to believe that maybe, just maybe H is coming out of his fog. I emailed him this morning that I just was hit by the thought after some of our discussion last night that part of what attracted me to him in the first place, and that I always admired and appreciated about him, was his steady, easy going, patient temperament. Which is absolutely true. I got this email from him:
Quote: Finally got a minute to e-mail. A (co-worker) and I went walking, man it's plenty hot and sweaty out. Even with the deodorant I'm sure I'm a bit stinky. I guess I just need to shower down stairs since unlike A I do sweat. Thanks for the compliment, funny, though old D--na (ow)had me trained to be pretty reactive and certainly could draw out my anger, I think how one responds is a two way street and depends as much on your partner as you. Well, got to go. Later, D.
I found this interesting from several aspects: 1) He called her "old ----", now granted he used her name, and not a sweet term like skank, scum bag, etc, but still to say "old" makes me think the bloom must be off the rose a little; 2) He seems to be recognizing - and admitting- that the a was bringing out the worst in him, not the best; and 3) He seems to be seeing her as responsible for that response in him any and all of which work just fine for me.
I have to say that his brain has not completely cleared of the fog, though. Last night he commented again about all the things about ow that he thought I would like....I was able to just listen pleasantly and calmly, without blowing up like I did a couple of weeks ago....I think I did say something validating, like "yes, those are things I enjoy"...and then H said "See maybe when she finds someone new we can have them for dinner sometime ; Now I was able to resist the urge to reach across the table, dope slap him till his eyes crossed and scream "you are out of your frickin mind"....and instead just smile sweetly and say "I think you're really stretching it there, H"....to which he replied "I just said maybe someday"....and I just SMILED and didnt say a word. but sheeshhh....I jotted that on my calendar for the day after I get her letter which is penciled in for right after hell freezes over.
H also commented that ow's XH got so worn out and fed up with her temper and fit-throwing that he "headed for the hills and found another woman" and that "every other guy she's been with headed for the hills as well".
What I can't understand is why they take up with her in the first place....I mean the woman walks, talks, looks and....like a died in the wool skank.....WHY is this so successful w/guys??????????? there must be a lot of them out there really susceptible for some reason.
It is very very different this time that he is being so open about her, and much less emotional about her/a than ever before . He did mention that they'd been broken up about 6 - 8 weeks last fall (which is different again than the 2 weeks he said a couple of weeks ago??????) and then she started whining and bawling that she couldnt do it. so I will have some pins and needles until it's pass that point, and even a while longer, I guess. But in our discussion last night, H said that the horrible pain being repeated over and over again in an endless cycle is what is in large part getting them both to accept that it's time for it to all end. Lord, I pray....and pray and pray and pray.....
