Hi Ellie, thanks...I know, this would help a lot, if we could do something, if I even met him over there for lunch, (which he told me ow used to do sometimes) or went with him, what ever. I dunno, I guess I'm afraid there is still kind of a barrier up in that regard. nothing tangible, just something I "sense"????? assumptions again, I guess.
I do have lot of anxiety now, and I keep thinking about why that is....lots of reasons, that he may not be able to make the break this time, and then I have to make a really tough decision, am I ready to call it quits???? or not???? I know that he hasnt seen her outside of work for what, 3 weeks now? but that is still so "new" and I know he's hurting, and I imagine that she will pull out her bow and start the fiddling again. ...If he is not calling her, the phone bill should go down in the next 6 weeks or so...I guess it's hard for me to not be afraid that won't happen. which raises the question all over again in my mind, is he just stringing me along? ummmmmm, I dunno, just really tough stuff for me to deal with.
I did read on your new thread this morning about how not spending so much time worrying about stuff that didnt happen would have made a difference to/for you. I just have such a tough time getting to that point. Borrowing trouble....I know....
I remember you mentioned a couple weeks ago on my last thread that you made up "pet" names for you and your H when you "got to that stage", which brings up a question i've been thinking about...that must mean that you see some recognizable similarities between your sitch back then, and mine now??????? If so, I'd love to hear them.
Also about the pet names, I'm curious, how did you use them, just in "romantic moments", or joking moments, or...?????
ah, I forgot to mention one little thing....or journal it so I can recall is more accurate....actually a couple of things, now that I think of it...
At one point H actually thanked me for all the darn hard work of cleaning up the mess in the cabinets...and other things in general...he commented "it's so nice to live here when everything is all nice and organized and clean". I couldnt help but hope that might have been a reference to ow's chaos, which right now I have to admit is reigning at our place as well.
D called Sunday morning all upset that her H's car broke down on them and they were walking home from church. I guess she just needed to blow off steam, but asked what I thought might be wrong, then wanted to know what her Dad thought. H was lifting weights, I took the phone down to him, told him she needed to talk to him, and he kinda blew a fuse, got iritated, angry...I just said "OK, I'll tell her you can't talk right now", but H came and took the phone and talked to her. A little later he actually came upstairs and found me and apologized for "being snappish"...as Mollie W (I think) mentioned recently on her thread, this is different, H NEVER used to apologize for ANYTHING...it is especially different that he made a point of interrupting his workout and coming upstairs to find me and do it THEN.
Last night when H got home, he was out of his beer (I know I probably make him sound like a lush, he really isnt, but does drink about 2 a night)anyway, I said I would run in and pick some up for him because I needed to get some allergy meds anyway...he said, "I hate to run you around, but I would sure appreciate it"...under his breath I heard him mutter "I sure need one tonight"....usually when he asks me to pick him up some beer that means ow trouble. I'd made a couple of quick things he really likes for dinner since I was home, and he was tickled and said "thanks"...which is fairly new, he not only never used to apologize, he never said thanks, either. Then, he asked if he could have a brownie for desert (I'd made some on Sunday), and almost sounded like a little kid, I got the impression that he kinda needed some extra attention/babying as much as he wanted a brownie. I dunno, just a thought that hit me.
as always, I guess I'm questioning, pondering, over-analyzing....
You know, Ellie, I realize part of what scares the bejeebers out of me is, what if I ask him if I can go to the office with him and he says "no"????? I don't have lot of confidence, do I?
