just a quick update.
I got home a little after 9 last night, and H was watching TV, had walked and done his work out. which frankly, and I know, lots of assumptions and analyzing here, but I believe it means he wasnt spending time "chatting" with ow. We talked for awhile, just pleasant discussion of our days, and turned in pretty early from being pooped. and slept.

this morning, H was pleasant and cheerful and loving. I stood in the doorway and watched him shave as I do every now and then anymore...and I said "I don't think I've told you, but it certainly is nice to have you here". And H started talking again....weird.
He said "thank you, it's so nice to be here and I'm glad I am"....said it is such a relief to be "off the rollercoaster" (hmmmmm, now where have I heard that before?) that she (ow) is such a fit throwing/foot stamping/emotionalobsessive "mess" that it was making him crazy and wearing him out. I commented that "well, I know I can be pretty obsessive sometimes" and H actually shuddered and shook his head and said "I mean for weeks and weeks and months on end, and over and over and over until I just cant stand it anymore" huh...how about that, some one who's more obsessive than I am???? H said that he couldnt stand the person "she" was turning him into, (I have heard him say this before) that he was so angry at the world all the time, that really isnt "him" and he doesnt like that in himself. Then he said "she has really made me appreciate you"...I hugged him, but couldnt resist a snickered "I don't think I'm ready to send a thank-you note yet"...H just smiled and hugged me back. the two of us spent some time running around the house feeding S's 6 lizards before I came to work....and actually had fun doing it...go figure, always before H has insisted he hated them, would have nothing to do with them, this morning he was like ...."hey come here and watch this" and had started feeding them on his own before I got there. He talked this morning about how much our home and family and I and the children and the dog and the cat and even the lizards mean to him.....I'd have suspected everything but....the lizards???? although they are interesting critters.

I will be going home soon, H was talking about how nice it will be to have the whole weekend together , although he did comment that he may have some weekends when he has to do things , but I chose to let that go.


I've commented several times lately that "something is different" this time, but I havent been able to put my finger on it. As I was leaving for work this morning it hit me....the BIG difference this time is that H seems at peace now....and frankly he seems happy. much much more the guy I knew and loved so much years ago. The emotional upheaval that has seethed beneath his skin for so long doesnt seem to be there now. It's hard to explain, but it so distinct. that began to dawn on me when he started talking as he was shaving this morning. I only hope and pray that it can last this time.

His expressions of appreciation for "home" and all that entails are different also...I guess always before it was kind of like he was running from something, seeking refuge at home from a storm, when he "came back"...and there was always a tremendous amount of emotional angst and distress.
That seems to be gone this time.

Ellie, you mentioned the fun person he's been missing....yeah, she's working hard on getting back in there now....I am so looking forward to this weekend. this will make 3 in a row he hasnt been at ow's. I'm not sure what the record is, I'm thinking somewhere between 4 and 6.....

been around awhile!