I do thank you for the sugguestions of the book and I will see if it is available at our public lib. I am reluctant to buy any self help books before I read atleast part of them. Got a stack of them laying beside my bed that left me wondering why I wasted the money.
You all assume I am a LD I guess in some ways I could be looked at this way at this point in my life. I could say I hate sex if you read my post you would know I have said this. In truth I dont hate sex I hate all the crap my husband puts me through reguarding sex. The fights the threats of I am out of here if this does not get better the whole nine yards. Maybe because that is what Tim implied in his post it sparked me to answer the way I did.
I have sex with H 8 times a month mark it faithfully on my calender after every time. Why if not when he says we havent had sex in weeks I would not be able to say yeah we just did two nights ago. But hmm this is not good enough for my H you would think it was 8 times a year. Then we have to fight about who starts what need to start marking that down to. And God if no orgasim is achieved on my part there we go again lets have another fight. The more ado made of the subject the less and less I like the act. It really goes deeper then those words but I think you will realize that in a moment
I liked the last two post in paticular and I am going to respond to a few statements that stuck out in my mind ___________________________________________________________ in the mean time, 20 or 30 years before this aging process happens and when you get older and don't produce steam/desire you are just supposed to hold hands and say to the LD spouse, "let's be friends, I will let all past resentments go." I don't think that is how people work. __________________________________________________________
I loved this one why it hit exactly who myself as a LD feels take the HD out replace it with LD and bam you hit the jackpot.
NEXT ___________________________________________________________ Also suppose, I make many compromises because W is a LD person and my Resentment/frustrations build for 20/30 years ___________________________________________________________
a LD person has all of these feelings inside boiling away about to blow the safety valve so much so that resentment damages the M and when you get older and the HD does not produce steam/desire you are just supposed to hold hands and say to the HD spouse, "let's be friends, I will let all past resentments go." I don't think that is how people work.
Also suppose, I make many compromises because H is a HD person and my Resentment/frustrations build for 20/30 years
Resentment ohh I could right a book on this. Everytime I am made to feel that the only real important thing needed from me lays between my legs. All the times I am made to feel like I am suppose to play someones slut. The sreaming and the threats of abandonment. ohh this could be a book but I will leave it be. (And before anyone ask yes I did see a consuler about this. She said it was normal for me to be so resentful and angry. Even the terrible dreams of dismembering my H were normal in her opinion under the circumstances).
Enough about my problems I have decided that they are two vast and not really inline with what most people are trying to help each other here with. I doubt this website will be one that is able to help me.
Again my only point in my post to Tim was he seems like he has a good foundatiion to his realationship which I envy because I lack it. He seems to have a wife that maybe does not chase after that rainbow of sexual delight but is willing to admit it is her problem not his (even if it does run off onto his life and happiness backsplash sucks) But he shut her down because he did not like her idea of how to do it. Then threatens to leave. To me that reads I want you to work on this but on my terms and conditions only.
And stated that I must not understand a HD and the way they feel that closeness and sex are the most important way to express and feel loved. You are right I do not understand that. That is a large part of why I have been reading so many post on this website the last few days.I have been amazed at how many people do actually see love being defined this way. I understand in some ways that affection not sex is very important. I am very affectionate with my children because I understand it brings a sense of security and self worth. But I do not understand as adults how it becomes sex someone requires to satisfy this need. That strikes me as a theroy Freud may have wrote.I really just do not realate to that and I am sure that that maybe one of my many faults in my own thinking and belief pattern.
I wish you all luck on your journey to what you seek. If I could remove my own post from this website I would recommend my H join in. He if nothing else would feel validated in his demands of me if he visited here.
Tim I am sorry I have deverted others from helping you on your quest with my response
