I have no intention of scrapping my sex life because of old age. Sure the frequency may go down, but it will not disappear. Do all older men develop ED? Man I sure hope not! Even if he does, I am confident that we will work through it as a couple. It won't be the death of our sex life, though it would be a big blow.
We talk quite frequency about how we'll be horny old people. He'll always be my husband and attractive to me. If we slow down due to physical infirmities, that's fine, but if we slow down due to mental infirmities (ie relationship probs), well, that's just sad.
HP, I can't answer that one scientifically or by medical research but can say for myself "it" is not as hard, as long after climaxing. Also sometimes things like sneezes, gas, and putdowns seem to interfear with arrousal more than they did before. The good part is I can go longer without thinking about putting the hockey puck in the net IYKWIM. But I heard some women just want to get over with. Very confusing at times. I know it is an individual preference. Yes, ask, see what the SO likes. (see side note below)
I still have all of the mental interests and desires but after so long of being frustrated with the money and sexual aspect of our M, and age, sometimes I am concerned that ED will happen to me I lose interest for a short time. The loss of interest intervals happen more and last longer.
I had this awfull thought that one day BB will ask me for some physical contact and I won't be interested. I will say "You were not that interested for X years" and now I'm not interested either" and for all of the rejection has built up to a point I don't want to be any where near you now." "Why couldn't you do this 20 years ago?"
IRL I am still trying things and I push for talks. It is difficult being the R police, moderating both sides so they are fair. But I am not as sex starved as some others here on SSM. So don't think I am completely ignored.
BB does try to meet my needs and I know with what she has gone through there are practical limitations. I try to meet BB's needs (5LL) the way she likes them. It just seems too many things have gotten so many extra requirements attached to what BB wants or needs, it is dampening my ability to find workable solutions to our differences.
I have a much older sister that gets up around 7AM cooks her breakfast her special things and way till 9:30, cleans up very little, disconnects the phone, takes a 11AM nap to about 2PM, has a bite to eat, does little else around the house, cooks her special things her special way for supper. (Won't eat at some restruants, food is not good enough, hot enough, too this too that). I like her but get so frustrated at all of her picky behavior, that I usually just talk to her on the phone. While I am out shoveling snow around 35 degrees in a long sleved shirt, my sister is complaining she is cold with the heat up to 75 inside. Sometimes fear BB is becoming like my sister in some ways.
I mentioned the sister mostly not to say BB is like my sister, but that I get anxious thinking things might get like that. It's more me than BB. I do empathise with BB's feelings and condition but I don't see why some people have to have so many things just so so.
Quote: We talk quite frequency about how we'll be horny old people. He'll always be my husband and attractive to me. If we slow down due to physical infirmities, that's fine,
That sounds like a good attitude HP. I would be OK with your and MR HP's attitude. I watched several TV programs (couples in their 70's with medical and ED problems) about adaptive things and attitudes, sexually active couples employ to have sex and ML.
Like other slightly HDH with LDW here, I suppose the other LDW told their HDH, "You'r too old to be doing it that that often." "Why don't you act your age." Ot "I lost those feelings" I can see where BB is coming from but I still feel the desire. Too bad, once compatable people become so miss matched.
Sometimes I wonder if the LD people would be matched up, like in the TV series "Wife Swap" OR "Vacation Swap" would they be any happier? Just for kicks I would like to see Mr JJ and Mrs BB duke it out because some food was not to the others liking or they both want their food brought to the living room so they could watch TV and eat. Yes, I am being a smart A$$ a little. (Maybe I should have asked JJ if she would loan her H for this experiment while JJ was enjoying her book trip to Chicago)
I think if the HD people got together for 2 weeks You would not see much of them that you could show on TV. But then again, that only implies the physical/animal aspect of sex drive, but ignores the more important emotional connection some people feel for their married spouse. Sex and love go together in such a way that nothing else can truely take it's place. Some people try drugs, boose, shopping and ?????.
side note (I saw one TV program where the women were talking about cuddling after sex. Most liked to cuddle. One woman said she likes to get up almost right away, rinse off, pee if she has to, and then wants the guy to get out of her bedroom. Her moto was ,"F me good, then leave me alone.")
Quote: I had this awfull thought that one day BB will ask me for some physical contact and I won't be interested. I will say "You were not that interested for X years" and now I'm not interested either" and for all of the rejection has built up to a point I don't want to be any where near you now." "Why couldn't you do this 20 years ago?"
Its rough. H showed up the other night in his underwear. It was very awkward. I was trying to be "corgial" and not carry my baggage with me. I had just had surgery dn there. I did enjoy the snuggles. I had been chastised for moving too fast back in 2000 so I didnt advance even a kiss. I have no idea what H thought. H didn't spend the night naming his back.
I still have baggage...tons of it...I don't know where to put it. Its so hard to say "that's ok" when it is far from it. But its a start. Let's see what happens this week.
Pity me that the heart is slow to learn
What the swift mind beholds at every turn.
Edna St. Vincent Millay
Quote: Its rough. H showed up the other night in his underwear
I assume this was a recent activity?
Quote: I did enjoy the snuggles.....I didnt advance even a kiss.
People work better if they get a reward. did you tell him the snugglies or something else that happened was enjoyed? If I were you, I would have huged him atleast lightly several times, but maybe that would put him off. Only you know what is OK to do. I usuall just up the anty a little at a time when BB and I have been on the outs. Too much too soom backfires. Not enough and her advances turn to retreat.
Quote: H didn't spend the night naming his back.
??????? i don't know exactly what you want to imply, write more if you will.
Quote: I still have baggage...Its so hard to say "that's OK"
I getting there, but working on trying to eliminate some.
I do thank you for the sugguestions of the book and I will see if it is available at our public lib. I am reluctant to buy any self help books before I read atleast part of them. Got a stack of them laying beside my bed that left me wondering why I wasted the money.
You all assume I am a LD I guess in some ways I could be looked at this way at this point in my life. I could say I hate sex if you read my post you would know I have said this. In truth I dont hate sex I hate all the crap my husband puts me through reguarding sex. The fights the threats of I am out of here if this does not get better the whole nine yards. Maybe because that is what Tim implied in his post it sparked me to answer the way I did.
I have sex with H 8 times a month mark it faithfully on my calender after every time. Why if not when he says we havent had sex in weeks I would not be able to say yeah we just did two nights ago. But hmm this is not good enough for my H you would think it was 8 times a year. Then we have to fight about who starts what need to start marking that down to. And God if no orgasim is achieved on my part there we go again lets have another fight. The more ado made of the subject the less and less I like the act. It really goes deeper then those words but I think you will realize that in a moment
I liked the last two post in paticular and I am going to respond to a few statements that stuck out in my mind ___________________________________________________________ in the mean time, 20 or 30 years before this aging process happens and when you get older and don't produce steam/desire you are just supposed to hold hands and say to the LD spouse, "let's be friends, I will let all past resentments go." I don't think that is how people work. __________________________________________________________
I loved this one why it hit exactly who myself as a LD feels take the HD out replace it with LD and bam you hit the jackpot.
NEXT ___________________________________________________________ Also suppose, I make many compromises because W is a LD person and my Resentment/frustrations build for 20/30 years ___________________________________________________________
a LD person has all of these feelings inside boiling away about to blow the safety valve so much so that resentment damages the M and when you get older and the HD does not produce steam/desire you are just supposed to hold hands and say to the HD spouse, "let's be friends, I will let all past resentments go." I don't think that is how people work.
Also suppose, I make many compromises because H is a HD person and my Resentment/frustrations build for 20/30 years
Resentment ohh I could right a book on this. Everytime I am made to feel that the only real important thing needed from me lays between my legs. All the times I am made to feel like I am suppose to play someones slut. The sreaming and the threats of abandonment. ohh this could be a book but I will leave it be. (And before anyone ask yes I did see a consuler about this. She said it was normal for me to be so resentful and angry. Even the terrible dreams of dismembering my H were normal in her opinion under the circumstances).
Enough about my problems I have decided that they are two vast and not really inline with what most people are trying to help each other here with. I doubt this website will be one that is able to help me.
Again my only point in my post to Tim was he seems like he has a good foundatiion to his realationship which I envy because I lack it. He seems to have a wife that maybe does not chase after that rainbow of sexual delight but is willing to admit it is her problem not his (even if it does run off onto his life and happiness backsplash sucks) But he shut her down because he did not like her idea of how to do it. Then threatens to leave. To me that reads I want you to work on this but on my terms and conditions only.
And stated that I must not understand a HD and the way they feel that closeness and sex are the most important way to express and feel loved. You are right I do not understand that. That is a large part of why I have been reading so many post on this website the last few days.I have been amazed at how many people do actually see love being defined this way. I understand in some ways that affection not sex is very important. I am very affectionate with my children because I understand it brings a sense of security and self worth. But I do not understand as adults how it becomes sex someone requires to satisfy this need. That strikes me as a theroy Freud may have wrote.I really just do not realate to that and I am sure that that maybe one of my many faults in my own thinking and belief pattern.
I wish you all luck on your journey to what you seek. If I could remove my own post from this website I would recommend my H join in. He if nothing else would feel validated in his demands of me if he visited here.
Tim I am sorry I have deverted others from helping you on your quest with my response
I can sympathize with your position too (no pun intended)...although I am the HDW in my R. Reading this post makes me feel that much more that you need to read "The Five Love Languages"...it's a short book, easy to read...and well worth it. Your H obviously needs to read it as well....I have a feeling he has no clue as to how he's making you feel. Sure, you may have told him time and time and time again....but so far the light hasn't come on for him.
Tell us this, have you two attended marriage counseling at all? If not, would this be an option?
You two obviously have different love languages, they key (IMO) is now to learn to speak them for each other...and that can be a very difficult thing to learn.
Wow again amazed and also feeling bad that I am deverting from Tim.
Have my husband and myself attended marriage consuling yes we did a year ago. Did not last long my husband can not deal with someone telling him he was just much at fault in our problems as I was if not more in some aspects.
I have a posting under the newcommers that is long yet says nothing and has not generated as much response as I have recieved from my response to someone else. Lol
When I say that my issues are to vast and not in the same line as what people are trying to achieve here. My situation does not just involve the sex issues but emotional and threat of physical abuse also. Which mainly stem from sex issues.
The answer to the question how does my husband make me feel this way wow long long story but shortley put. I hid from my marital problems through my job for almost 8 years of my life through my work excessivly for the last 5 years. Got real sick went through major depression could not get out of bed got sucidal the whole works also had a few medical conditions at the time was always at the doctors husband never noticed never asked what was up or what was happening. Everyone else did got asked to take a leave from my job which I ended up losing in the end. Yadda yadda. The kicker as long as we were having sex he was fine a happy camper. When I finally was like I am done all of a sudden he was like why I thought we were happy. He admitted that there were things that he thought could improve to our consuler which only included sex in the end. But he thought that basically he was happy and we had a good marriage and could not understand my anger..
So much for short. I will get the book I promise do you know what bookstores carry it .
Chrissy...old saying, Gals go to the Counsellor when they feel its over and are looking for aformation. Guys think the problem just started when the gal goes.
Guys arent emotional for the most part, some of the sensitive ones turn out to be gay. Its rare when you find a guy thats got compassion and empathy, tenderness and romance, and can still venture forth into blood and guts world which is a guys.
Pity me that the heart is slow to learn
What the swift mind beholds at every turn.
Edna St. Vincent Millay
Yes, I am being a smart A$$ a little. 
But then again, that only implies the physical/animal aspect of sex drive, but ignores the more important emotional connection some people feel for their married spouse. Sex and love go together in such a way that nothing else can truely take it's place. Some people try drugs, boose, shopping and ?????. 