Good on you SBS, I will get over and check out your thread soon, I bet you are getting some good advice. My sitch hasn't changed any at the moment as H is away with S until later today (monday) haven't heard from them all weekend but the mobile's are out of range where they have gone, I know this from past experience. So nothing much to say until they get back although H did say on Friday morning when he turned up at our H that he might surprise me soon. It started as H said he would come over early Friday morning to help get S ready and I could get ready for work as usual, well H was late and I had to get S ready as well as get ready for work, which is fine I do this every day but he had said he would do it. Anyway he turned up and waltzed in as though all was fine and asked what was wrong and I said, I just wish you would stick to your promises as it makes more work for me when you don't. He apologised and said he slept in and would make it up to me over the next few weeks and you never know I might just surprise you one day soon, I just said I don't need any surprises just you to stick to your word and I will be fine. I then got my bag and directed them out the door. So I don't know what he meant by that I guess time will tell, now I am just waiting for them to come back so number one I can see S9 as I have missed him heaps and 2 I have missed H but won't show that when he gets back I will just act as if everything is cool.....Kim
Journalling. Well H and S came home Monday night which was good but nothing to report on H and myself. H rang me Tuesday to say hi and that things still were not good with OW. He then came into my office later on Tuesday just to say hi and then wanted to have a quickie as nobody else was in the office, but yes I refused. Then he went out with OW for tea "as friends" Tuesday night and then he rang me at 9.00 to meet up. I nearly said no but I weakened and yes we ML H came and saw me early Wednesday and rang me last night. I haven't heard from him today but have heard from OW. Wish she would just F Off. Just wanted to say that she wasn't even going to see him as friends any more as it is all too hard and that she wishes me luck with him. (haha) As if I need her Goodluck. Anyhow I just messaged back thanks we will be fine once you and him are sorted out but that is between you and him, I have no issues. This way I am telling her nothing and I know I will get yelled out by some of you for even replying but I tell you this way I know whether my H is telling me the truth. So far everything he tells me gets backed up by her in the end so at least he seems to be being honest with me at the moment and that is all I have asked for is honesty. I don't know where him and I will end up that remains to be seen but honesty and communication are two of the main things we as a team needed to work on and he agrees too so that is what we are working on as friends. It can only help us in the long run. I am focussing at the moment on being a good friend, a good listener, being sympathetic and understanding to what he is going through, being supportive and non judgemental. I only hope I can keep this up as it does feel unnatural considering that this is all to do with OW but if I can practise it well enough now maybe I will find it easier to continue once she is out of the picture. God I hope she goes and stays out but that is what I am monitoring at the moment. As I half think H is going thru a MLC I truly believe he has to get this OW completely out of his system and at the risk of him meeting someone else he needs a bit of time alone to way up all he has been through and I just have to hope with all my support and non suffocating behaviour he will realise that what he needs is right under his nose. I bet I will hear from him sometime later today or tonight. I will be seeing him tomorrow as he is helping me move house. So I may not be able to post for the next 3 days due to moving. Should be an interesting weekend. Come on bring it on I have been so honest in this post I know someone is going to find fault with me for not obeying all the rules but it is working for me at the moment or am I just being delusional, tell me if I am as the quicker I wake up to myself the better.......DK
Kim...I applaud you for being so strong. I don't think that I could ever be friends with H if he were ever to leave. I know that is anti-DBIng...but it is really too hard. I don't think I can sit and hear him tell me how happy he is with OW, or that they are buying a house etc etc. I think that would drive me insane. I don't think I am that strong. As my SIL tells me, a sane single parent is better that one that is insane. Kim - don't let me derail you. I think what you are doing is great. In the long run, I am sure some positive is gonna come out...(as it is,....the true colours of the OW is showing...)
Well as I was saying Yoyo I think she and him are history. So all I can do is hope and be here for him and pick up the pieces and hopefully over time we will discover that this was a journey we both needed and that if we give our R another go it will be all the stronger for this mess that we have gone through. I am hoping if we can communicate and be honest and open in friendship, then if we give the M another go alot of the hard work is done and we may have a stronger marriage and if not well maybe we will both have a very dear friend indeed. Who knows it could be me in 1 week sitting hear bawling my eyes out for being stupid but we will see....Kim
You and me both, you to get you up and at it again and me to give me the strength to go on. Oh well let's see what the magic hand of fate brings us next week.....
For goodness sake OW has messaged again and now rung.....Says she has been to Doctor's and as he has known all about this from the beginning (WTF since she was screwing him or later) he has said to her she should keep going with him to get it out of her system and to make sure it's what she wants as otherwise he will end up with me and then with her in another couple of months. Like hello I don't know a doctor that would give that advice???? Apparently she is on a lot of medication (Anti-depressants and sleeping tablets) as she is a nervous worrying type of person (or so H says) Give a rats....I just said to her look you do what you need to do and I will do what I want whether he is with you or not....She then said but how will I know if he is sleeping with you and I said you wont but that's not my problem, H is still technically my H and if I want to ML with him I will, you just have to work things out for yourself as I am not getting involved. Can you believe this woman....I don't even hate her any more I just find her pathetic. I am making sure I don't get into a heated discussion or say anything H can go mad about. She hasn't told him that she has been contacting me but I have and I told him I would prefer him not to tell her but if he did I couldn't stop him. He promised me he wouldn't say anything and so far he hasn't. Ridiculous situation so after hanging up from OW I sent her a message saying "No contact b/ween u & me is the best all round, I don't want 2 b involved....She messaged back " I don't know at the moment will speak later" Like hell she will as far as I am concerned I have stopped it and I will just say it again if she contacts me.....H has rung now to see how I am going and am I ready for moving tomorrow and I said "Yeah as ready as I can be" He then said you sound a bit down and I said "Yeah I probably am a bit" he asked why and I said you probably don't want to know but let me ask you this???? "Have you had problems with OW this morning". He replied "Yes has she been in contact again" and I replied "Yes" he said "O.K. well I will ring you a bit later and see how you are feeling" I said you don't have to and he said I want to and I want to explain what happened this morning when OW came over. I said honestly I don't care anymore and I have told her to leave me out of it and he said fair enough but I want to explain. I said well if you really need to fine but none of this concerned me. H said I Know but I want to be honest with you and it helps me to get it off my chest. So he is ringing later??????Honestly how do we get ourselves in these positions??? It does sound to me as though she is going off the rails at his dishonesty and unfaithfulness. Like welcome to a day in the life of a DBer (lol). Wouldn't I die if she went on to this site and started posting??? Do you think she would recognise me???? I think she would, hehehe that would be funny but then it would stop my posts too.....Oh well here is the evil in me now I hope she self destructs, maybe pressuring and being so needy and distrustful will turn H off her...it should as he doesn't cope with someone else's weakness. Time will tell I suppose, I just find her to be out of this world especially if she expects me to tell her when we ML, she can work it out for herself, will be interesting if she catches us at it. I would just leave and wait for H to ring me later I think. Make myself look the better person. It's not like they live together they don't.....Oh well just me bantering on and putting down my thoughts, I will probably read this over in a minute and go "oh [censored]" now who's the looney never mind until next post....Kim
Hi Kim, You be you, look after you, you are OK. You have the right attitude. Sound like H got involved with a fatal attraction type. Remember the movie? LOL Russ
DK - I've stood where you are so I know where your coming from. I'm not much of an advice giver and as I said each person has to just go thru it I think. But I'm gonna have to say be cautious here - I wouldnt believe much of what either one tells you, I really wouldnt.
She's stooped to the desperate level of calling her BF's WIFE for advice. If she's done with your H then she wouldnt bother with either one of you, but she's hanging on and is using what she can to her advantage. I went thru the exact same thing in my sitch. H wanting to explain to me and her wanting to know this and at the end of it I get slammed with my 2nd Dday.
Not that I'm saying this is going to happen in your sitch, I just dont want to see you go thru what I did because I know how easy it is to get caught up in it all. As bitter as I am I can still get caught off guard like today H threw me a compliment.
as nobody else was in the office, but yes I refused. Then he went out with OW for tea "as friends" Tuesday night and then he rang me at 9.00 to meet up. I nearly said no but I weakened and yes we ML 
Kim - don't let me derail you. I think what you are doing is great. In the long run, I am sure some positive is gonna come out...(as it is,....the true colours of the OW is showing...) 
never mind until next post....Kim 
