Hey Strongbutsofty - Hang in there as you can tell from our sitch it is not easy. Try not to be soft when he is around act "as if" that is as if you have a life without him. I will have to see if you have any posts on your sitch to better tell you what I think. Hellkat has done a good job of telling it like it is. This is the hardest thing to go through I know but you take baby steps and you do backslide and go against all the DB rules but you just start again and this forum allows people to give you that support and advice. This is one place that everyone knows how it feels and knows exactly what you are going through. Nobody judges here. You can have good friends but they thing you are stupid for looking as though you are letting H walk all over you and to them you look like you are just accepting it. Over here we all know that is not the way it is. That is why this forum is sooooo good. NOW AN UPDATE. On Tuesday night (today is Friday) H rang and said he wanted to meet for a drink It was 9.45pm. I said why and he said he and OW had decided to just be friends and that it was mutual. This peeked my curiosity so of course I said I would meet him at the pub in half an hour. 2 mins later my mobile goes and it is a text from OW. Saying they have decided to go their seperate ways and could I find it in my heart to forgive him as he knows he has hurt me blah blah she wants to be friends with him (haha over my dead body) but knows he belongs with me and the kids, that she is 51 and cannot live with the guilt of what they have done and the fact that he cheats on her with me (WTF) I couldn't believe she sent those few messages, what does she think, that she is a hero for giving up my H, I now have her permission to see him like get a life love. Anyhow I went to the pub and saw H and we chatted but everytime he went to go down the path of I know I have hurt you I changed the subject. I kept saying to him you must be upset that she doesnt want you anymore when it was her you chose to be with, I know how much it hurts when you want someone and can't have them. He would say no it's not going to work with her and I and then on the other hand he would say something that didn't sound like he had a whole lot of choice in the matter. So I said to him if it's her you really want then you will have to try and win her back (Can you believe I said that) He said he had a lot of thinking to do and I said I think you do too but I think you need to be without anyone for awhile and get your head straight for your own benefit. We had a good night although as you can imagine I was biting my tongue the whole time. When he dropped me home he lent over to give me a kiss and I turned my cheek for him to kiss my cheek and he said "What is that all I get" (WTF) I said well what do you expect me to do you only split up tonight and we are just friends. He said I know but can't I still kiss you especially after last Friday (when we ML) anyhow there was a bit more talking and I did end up having a good pash with him but then I stopped it and achieved my Mini-goal and said I was going inside and said goodbye. He seemed disappointed but I was pleased as it was so hard to do as I know what would have happened if I stayed any longer. So Mini goal achieved! Whoo Whoo! He rang Wednesday and Thursday to say hi and then last night we went to get some shopping for his trip away this weekend with our S. We had said we might go for a drink after and we did but I saw him watching his clock so I knew he was thinking about going and seeing her. So I said lets go you obviously have somewhere else you want to be and he said he thought he would see her for awhile before going to his van. I said no worries do what you have to do. (mind you I was bleeding about it) but I have to remember I told him to persue her if that's what he wants and I need him to get her out of his system completely. This is so hard though especially when I know she doesn't want him (at the moment). I am not going to do anything though as this has to be his decision and I will not be second choice. So if they don't get back together he will have to be on his own for awhile and I feel he has to come to me and convince me that he made a mistake and it wont happen again. Whether that can be achieved remains to be seen. So that's my latest very weird and I am all over the place in my head, I just hope I am doing the right thing. Any advice would be good especially you Hellkat as I am sure you have probably had a similair experience. Tell me how to play this if I am doing it wrong please......Kim
